1)M temp totally and utterly fucked up everything she touched. I kid you not. My PMs have been more than over joyed at the fact that I've been back - even though it has only been for 2 days a week. They have a new appreciation for all that I do for them. One told me that I spoil them, one told me that it was a determent to have the temp there and that they would've been better off with no one at all. Not one of them, nor my supervisor had anything positive to say about my temp. I have quite a job ahead of me of cleaning up everything she did in the system. It was like she had no training, had no notes, and had no resources - when in fact she had ample training (I think like 5 weeks), had taken 2 1/2 notepads of notes, and had my supervisor and two other PAs to ask questions of. Needless to say I'm less than pleased at her lack of work ethic and ability. My new mantra however,"I'm just glad to have a job" is keeping me from totally losing it.

2) A close friend of my sister's is in the hospital and has been for like 3 weeks. First ICU, than CCU, and now in a regular room. I don't particularly like the person, but I love my sister and it is an incredibly hard time for her right now. As always, I wish I could just make everything better for her.

3)Xandman is growing and doing fine. I'm not. I'm frustrated at the whole breastfeeding thing, but I don't want to formula only feed him for the bonding and health that breastfeeding entails. It's a double edge sword to say the least.

4) I think something is wrong with me. I'm dizzy off and on for like the last week or two. I'm getting plenty of water so I can't be dehydrated. I'm tired to the point of tuning everything out exhausted. I'm so tired that when I speak in the evenings I feel like my words are a million miles away from my head - that they aren't coming out of my head at all. I don't like this feeling one bit. I've had some pains in my sides off and on. I have some weird solid white mass coming out of a place solid white masses shouldn't be coming out of. That has been happening off and on for weeks as well. My milk still not where is should be so I'm going to look into taking some things that Betsy had previously suggested. Pumping takes all my break time at work which only contributes to my tiredness.

5) Xander starts daycare on Monday I'm worried and saddened and upset that we have no choice but to send him into the home of a stranger five days a week. I'm going to miss so much of his growing up that I just want to cry.

So that is my present mindset in 5 statements. Maybe in 2 or 3 weeks I'll have another 15 minutes to post. Who am I kidding? I go back to work full time starting next week I'll have even less time to computer. Pooplins

I went to my old place of employment today to join in their BBQ Friday and to say good-bye to an ex-co-worker who is becoming unemployed. Now I knew that one of the PMs in the office was expecting his first baby around the same time as Xander. In speaking to him today, I found out that his son shares Xander's birthday of 2/15/09 - really what are the odds?

Whereas both our babies are boys that is pretty much where the similarities stop. His son, Luke, was born at about 9 1/2 lbs, right where Xander was as of his two month check up on Tuesday. Luke who also had his two month check up is weighing in at approximately 15 lbs. Xander was in the 8% for weight, where Luke was in the 96% for weight. Xander was 23 1/2 inches long at 71% - Luke 26 1/2 inches long - 98%.

I was totally blown away. Granted Luke's dad is like 6'4" or 6'5" (I can't remember which) and well built even he is amazed at the size of his baby. He was in awe at Xander's size since Xander is on the lanky side and Luke is on the gynormous size. It was an interesting comparision to say the least.

I have so many things I want to post about but I've been away from the computer for the last couple of days. I've sorta given up on being able to accomplish anything when I'm alone at home anymore and that includes being on the computer.

Must toodle off now and see about getting some foodlins in my tumtum.

Apparently although we only need daycare for like 4.5 or 5 hours a day, but we need it for a full five days a week, that is considered full time care. Well we can't afford full time care if James is only working part time, so WTF?

Seriously, the amount of money he'll be making an hour will basically be paying for childcare, so why bother even working? He doesn't have bennies or any paid time off. Seriously I'm beginning to think that we are doomed to fail at this whole responsible adult thing and we should in fact just pick up and leave.

I'm incredibly depressed and I don't know how we are going to get out of this one.

I loved the sun this weekend. I got to go out and mow the lawns which took awhile. I didn't mind though because I got to be out in the sun :) I pulled a little bit of weeds up and did some hoeing as well. I want to get planter boxes and put some out on the deck and a large one alongside the downstairs bedroom wall and fence up until the gate. Xine was kind enough to run out to Home Depot with me and when I saw the prices of boxes I decided the I'll just get the spot all hoed up for now and maybe sometime in the future Jamers and I can build boxes. It would be better anyways as that why I can get exactly what I want aesthetically and size-wise.

TMI: I started my period again. I know that most women don't get them again until quite awhile after birth especially those that breastfeed. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones. I told my mom about it and she kept saying, "I'm so sorry. I didn't get my period again after having you for over a year. I'm so sorry. Well I guess you are pretty fertile." Which honestly didn't make me feel better. I guess it wouldn't be too bad but I'm just getting over a cold I must've picked up in CA.

I had to start pumping and saving milk up for this week as I'm returning back to work tomorrow all be it part time. I pumped Saturday and I was surprised at the lack of milk. I pumped Sunday and the same thing. I'm only getting like half an ounce per side per pump. I've made sure to cut out the coffee and I've been drinking water like it is going out of style. Now little one has been fussy off and on so I was wondering if my milk supply is low. But he feeds like all the time, which is supposed to increase my supply. After the lack of lactation from the pump I began to wonder. Otay well he is drinking a lot himself so maybe he is taking most of what I have? No that doesn't really explain the continued reduction of milk.

On a hunch I looked up breastfeeding while menstruating and guess what? My period could cause a reduced milk supply. You know what else can cause a reduced milk supply? Being sick. So double whammy for my baby lately. No wonder I hardly get anything out when I pump. So now that my cold is pretty much gone I'm hoping that the supply starts to increase again. I just hope my period goes away soon. I guess they are totally irregular when they begin again. Luckily I haven't had any cramps (yet) but damn I'm angry I got it again. I had just finished up the after delivery bleeding.

Oh, and the sling isn't so wonderful for me actually. It is the only time Xander conks out and unfortunately it doesn't sit on my shoulder right. It works fine for Jamers, but he has wide shoulders and no breasts or tum-tum to get in the way of it slinging correctly. I put Xander in it so I can get the laundry and dishes moving along but then I can't really pump, I can't use the restroom and I'm getting a backache due to my bad back and working in the yard this weekend.

I'm griping a lot. Sorry. I'm sure nobody actually reads this anyways but I had to get that out. I'm tired and I'm definitely NOT looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I'm going to have to deal with the mess left to me by the temp, learn how to pump in the bathroom without having myself hanging out there for anyone walking in the bathroom to see, and figure out how to eat and rest during my breaks when all I'll have time for is pumping.

Argh! I really wish life had turned out a little differently for us. This situation is quite stressful and I don't know what to do.

The other morning as Jamers was stepping out the door to leave for work we heard this loud bang noise coming from the direction of the garage. We ran in to the garage, but nothing looked amiss. Both cats were in the house as were the dogs. Jamers checked outside but he couldn't find anything out there either. He said he would go up in the attic over the garage when he got home.

By the end of the day we had both forgot the noise and I know I didn't think much of it. Nothing appeared to be wrong. This afternoon I went out to the garage and started a load of laundry. I had just remembered that I still needed to bring the mower in from the driveway. I unlock the garage door and begin to pull it up, only it doesn't move. My first thought is, oh, well it has been awhile since I opened the door, maybe I forgot to do something. I double check and no I do have the latching correctly. I try again. and again. and again. The door won't budge. It feels like it's being held down by a ton of bricks.

I call to Jamers and tell him that I can't get the door open. I then remember about the loud bang earlier in the week. He comes out, and tries the door but it won't move for him either. Than he looks up and it becomes far too clear that the noise we heard was the tension wire that holds the spring that pulls the door up was busted. The spring is no where to be immediately found and Jamers pulls the remaining mechanism off the track.

Eventually we find the spring. Jamers gets the door open with brute force. Apparently a garage door without the aide of tension to move it weighs down just like a ton of bricks. He got the door to work and moved the mower and garbage but now we're going to have to get new door hardware in order for me to be able to open it.

I think this is a sign that I need to play the lottery so I can win and we can fix all the little things around here, get the yard all landscaped, and I can stay home with the Xand man.

When someone says to you that Blondie and Abba sound incredibly similar and you don't want to punch them in the face.

That is love.

because everything is better with bacon :)


see more pwn and owned pictures

Otay so I decided to begin looking up part time jobs that I could do preferably on weekends and evenings. Did you know that every job requires you to have previous experience, from janitors to dishwashers. WTF? I can clean my house and wash my dishes, why do I need 1-2 years previous work experience to apply for said job?

Thusly I'm in a foul mood. My thought was if I could get a part time job as a second job, then Jamers could stay at part time and we'd only have to pay for part time daycare and he would be able to spend that much more time with Alexander. Well I guess that would be the case if he stays at part time but I'm guessing that is going to be the case. In this economy I just don't see how they'll be able to give him 40 hours anytime soon and we need income now.

Any suggestions as to what an Accountant with 13 years experience can do part time to supplement her income? Maybe I should check out the local movie theaters and see if they have anything open?

Santa Cruz trip was fun, but completely exhausting. I lost my voice the day after we got there and I'm just starting to sound normal again. We got to see most of our friends even if only for a short duration. The baby shower was wonderful. Xander handled the 12 hour car trip loverly, but we still broke up each way into two days to minimize the strain on us and him.

*and the crying has begun

Otay, where was I? Ah, yes, Santa Cruz. We got to eat at Mobo and have our evening time at Well Within. The hot tub ended up being a hot tub/sauna room for 80 mins instead of hot tub only for 50 mins not by any fault of ours they just set us up with the more expensive room. It was alright though because I think Jamers really appreciated the sauna and I know I appreciated the extra time. The only pooplins about our date night was that my sister who was babysitting, couldn't seem to appease Xander with milk and he kept crying. He seems to be going through a stage of constant eating and growing. He has finally outgrown his newbie clothes and is now into 0-3 month sizes. Actually he is wearing them because that is the next size but to be fair, most of the baby clothes we have had on him (including 0-3 months clothes) seem to be designed for fat short torso babies of which he is not. He seems to be outgrowing the length of his clothes, while barely beginning to fill them out width wise. I'm told that he will fill out and lengthen in alternating growth spurts so we'll see. So far he just seems to be gaining length while only slightly increasing in girth.

I have decided that going forward I will add a new tag, "Dear God what is that thing?" for all Xander development entries. Under the cut is the first entry to fall under that tag.

( Gross baby development )

On the trip I got a call from my boss "double checking" that I would be back part-time at 8 weeks and full time at 12, it not sooner. I was a little pissed off. When I spoke to her, I reminded her that the "8 weeks" was not 8 weeks, but April 11th which was when Jamers unemployment was going to run out and that I was only coming back part time if he didn't find a job. Apparently she doesn't remember all those little pieces of the discussion. I told her he did find a job and that we didn't have daycare set up yet as my sister was seriously considering it and we were on our way there and would discuss it with her that week. I guess my temp is screwing up far worse than I could've guessed and they really need me back. If we didn't need money so much (as we are now upside down financially) I would've told her in no uncertain terms that my 12 weeks would be taken in full. However as we do need the money, we are working out an arrangement with Jamer's employers so that he will work 3 days a week and I'll work the other two until my 12 weeks is up at which point we'll need to get a part time daycare provider until Jamers goes full time and we'll need a full time provider.

In any case, we'll be burning through our savings now as with James part time, and my full time after my maternity leave ends) we'll only have about $400 a month left after mortgage payments are made. With that $400, we need to pay the gas, electricity, water, garbage, credit cards, gas for cars, food, life insurance, phones, internet and now baby care, oh and the hospital bills for the delivery and pediatrician visits. Um, yeah, that $400 is enough to pay for our food bill with none of the other costs being taken care of and that is just grocery shopping - no going out to eat. James job better go full time otherwise he better find another part time or full time job. Or we'll end up losing the house which is the pooplins. Mom offered me money again this trip and Dad has as well. I don't want to take money from my parents at this stage of my life. Hopefully after I'm back full time, we can get the loan modified down and be able to get by until the New Depression is over.

Anyhoo, Xander is beckoning me to feed him and change him so I shall depart.

We leave on our road trip to Santa Cruz on Thursday morning. We're (at least I am) so excited to be going home to introduce Xander to our families. This time we are taking two days to drive given we have little baby X factor to take care of during the trip.

While we are there we're going to have a baby shower, day trip to SLO county (to visit with Jamers' family), stop through in South San Francisco (to visit with my poppa and his girlfriend), hang out with many friends, and most importantly we are going to have a night out going to MOBO SUSHI (ie: best sushi EVAR) and hot tubbing at Well Within. I've been looking forward to that date night forever. We have found decent sushi up here in the wilds of Oregon, but nothing compares with the variety of MOBO. And hot tubs? I don't think there is even a place you can rent hot tubs by the hour around here. I've checked it out before and I couldn't find anywhere. I guess in SC they are lucky to have Tea House Spa, Well Within and Kiva all within walking distance of downtown. As soon as I win the lottery, we're getting a hot tub in the backyard because they are a necessity of life for those peeps like me who need to unwind frequently.

The furkids are going to be looked after by Noe/Bryan and Kurt/Xine. Have I mentioned how good it is to have friends? It will require that the cats get shut in our bedroom during the day so the doggies can have the doggie door open but hopefully that won't create too many problems.

Anyways, just wanted to make that little post real quick before we begin the ritual of bedtime preparations. If Xander is having a good night, we may be asleep by 11.

Oh, and the baby sling is a wonderful thing. Jamers and I can do things around the house and still have the little guy with us without having to move the mosses basket all the time. Toodlies all.

Whew - I have sometime while The Xand Man sleeps to make a post! Lets see lots has happened lately.

Most importantly Jamers got a job! We are so excited that after, um, five and a half months he is once again employed. The poopy thing is it is part time to start (hopefully he will move to full time in a couple of months) AND he had to take about a 36% pay cut(in hourly rate, not counting the fact that he will be working half as many hours). Thusly, if he stays part time we won't be able to afford to live, especially with the cost of childcare even at part time. So while we are trying to look at the positive of him having a job, we are now forced to look at the fact that either he or I will need to secure a second job in order to pay the bills.

*Fifteen minutes after starting the post, he woke up and wanted feedings.

As a result, Jamers is going to call our primary mortgage company on Monday and see about us getting the loan modification as per the stimulus package. He did all the research and he is sure we qualify and could easily lower our payment. I'm skeptical as I don't think anything in my life has ever come without a serious price, but we'll see. He has to wait until Monday as my mom burned through ALL our 550 cell minutes in the first week and a half she was here. Right now we are like 18 or so minutes over that and so we are waiting until our new month before making any calls on our phones.

*Two hours later I got one more paragraph written. I'm starting to lose it as he wants to be fed like every hour. After I feed him, change him, swaddle him, and burp him it is just about time for him to start crying for food again.

I am a horrible mother. Not only do I not have any maternal instincts, but I can't seem to do anything right for him, not even breastfeeding. If I was doing it right he wouldn't need feedings every hour. I don't even have time to pump anymore between feedings. At least we got about a five hour stretch in last night before he woke up and needed to be fed again. We got to sleep about 1ish, after starting for bed around 10:30 - that is how long the cycle takes for us to close up the house, get him and ourselves ready and then get him calmed down enough (ie: fed over and over until he finally conks out)before we can sleep. He awoke around 6:30ish for his morning feeding. Poor Jamers only got another hour or so after that of sleep (because Xander wouldn't go back to sleep right away) before he had to get up and start getting ready for work. At least I got to stay in bed and sleep with Xander for another hour and a half.

So now, 3 hours of continuous feeding every hour, he is still wailing his head off and I'm crying. I don't know what else to do for him, I've got music on, just changed him, swaddled him, the only thing left is feeding him again, which I'm so tired of doing. It is incredibly tedious - breastfeeding.

I had so much more I wanted to post - but my non-stop headache from the last couple of days coupled with baby crying is making me leave the computer now. I have no idea how anybody does this - motherhood thing. I'm already sick of it and it has only been 3 weeks. I'm not trying to be a snot about it - but that is how I feel. I'm not cut out for being a mother and with Jamers out of the house now, there is nobody to help me and take him away for an hour or so where I can begin to feel like a normal Kelly again.

Toodles all - not sure when or if I'll be able to post again.

For those of you not on Jamer's or my email list: Alexander Lee was born on Sunday February 15th at 4:56pm. His weight was 7lbs 7oz (too bad not an additional 7 in there) his length 20 inches. Basically he was long and skinny - not really what his two stalky parents expected, but very appreciated.

The labor and delivery went pretty much to textbook and thanx to the miracle of drugs, I had very little pain during the contraction phase, although the pushing phase was pretty rough. All in all I shouldn't complain. My doc has assured me that for a first time pregnancy I could not have asked for better.

Jamers made a brief post with a link to pictures for those of you who may be interested. http://angille.livejournal.com/178984.html. My mom and Jamers were both there for the duration of labor and delivery. Our Oregon family, Noe, Xine, Bryan and Kurt were there off and on for our stay at the hospital. You'll see them in a few of the pictures, the lady with the OSU sweatshirt is my mom. She cried quite a bit that day for the euphoria of the event.

Unfortunately, I got in trouble with my nurse this morning as I was utterly exhausted. She pointed out that I didn't nap yesterday and that she saw me with my family and friends all day. She was ubber nice and saying it in a jesting but serious way. She was right of course. I've been so happy to have my family there that I let my own needs go. I'm sorta putting a stop to that, at least for awhile. I think we may do visitors once a day for an hour or so but no more than that. I'm just too fricken tired to do much socializing and recovering and taking care of Xander.

However I must now give props to the world's most awesome daddy ever! Jamers, who during my pregnancy had been pretty lax about getting involved has turned out to be the most devoted daddy. His maternal instinct far exceeds my own and his ability to take care of the baby is unbelievable. Our daytime nurse commented about his mad mommy type skills - she, my mom, and myself are all extremely impressed. Honestly, I could not have found a more perfect life partner than my Jamers. I love him so much and I'm overjoyed at his daddy abilities.

Well that was my five minutes of free time before napping and the next feeding. One day when time allows I'll post a more detailed post about the big day. For now, just know we are all fine and home and life is good even if it is tiring.

at least I hope. I had contractions again throughout the day, but they stopped around 3ish or so. Oh well. Xander will show up when he wants to, right? Anyways, my mom is flying in tomorrow - I'm so excited! She has only been up here once, right after we got the house, almost two years ago. So much as changed since then. She hasn't met Shelby or Honey or Scully I think she is going to be so delighted to be here with us and the baby.

In not so great news, yesterday a firetruck was parked in front of our neighbor's house. The lights were on but they didn't use the siren - I told Jamers that isn't a good sign. Eventually they took off, and we kept our eyes open but didn't see any indication of a coroner coming to pick up a body. Our neighbor to the south is an older gent whose daughter lives with him. I was worried he had passed. Well early this afternoon we left to go get the one last piece of furniture for Alexander's room (at Goodwill because we are that cheap) and when we got back there was a mobile health care van delivering a mattress (and I assume a sick bed but we didn't see one). They were there for awhile than took off. Then about an hour or two ago, Jamers noticed there was an ambulance parked in their driveway, once again without the sirens or lights. The good news is James saw them take the old man out on a stretcher back into the house. Jamers has speculated that perhaps he was at the hospital and they had the medical delivery today so that the man could come home. Given my experience with granny, I would say that isn't necessarily a good sign. We don't really know them too well, Jamers has gone over when we lost Mulder to check their backyard and the lady was real nice. What do you say to someone who you barely know when they lose someone close to them? Not to mention, I'm on the brink of popping out a new life. I'm just all sorts of confused I guess.

Today has been another day of wait and see. I'm very bored, at least if I were at work I would be passing the time being productive, but then again I would be so stressed that it wouldn't be worth it. I had somebody from work call today to check in. Apparently she texted me but alas, we don't have texting on our phones, so I didn't respond. Why, when somebody texts a number that does not have texting, does it not bounce back to reply as such? My aunt apparently had tried texting me several times earlier this year before I talked to her to tell her no we don't have texting. To me a phone is a phone. If you have it in your hands, just call the person if you want to speak to them. Anyways, so I spoke to Mel and I told her that I was just too stressed to come back after Monday. She said, "I think things are going well. (Temp) has been quiet. I see her in Tina's office quite a bit." "Oh. So 5 solid weeks of training and two and a half notepads of notes aren't enough to help her out. Why am I not surprised?" "Seems like everytime I turn around she is in Tina's office." "And that would be why I haven't been back since Monday."

So yeah. I guess things aren't going to swell since I left. Oh well. I'm not going to sweat it whatever mess I come back to I come back to.

Now I'll toodle off as din-dins should be ready soon. We are about halfway through B5 Season 4 but I have no hope of finishing it off again before Xander arrives. Plus my mom, not the biggest sci-fi fan so oh well!

I had originally planned on working through this week, Friday being my last day before taking my leave. However, I had not planned on the fact that my body would have its own ideas about when I should stop working.

I apparently did not listen to the rather large deal my body made last Friday what with the migraine and all. Monday I went to work and began having contractions around 10:15. They were pretty far apart and definitely mild, but enough of a nuisance that I was like otay, no more work. I stayed through Monday and decided Tuesday morning, that although it gives me less time with Xander on the back end of leave, it was time I stopped going in. The stress of just being there, coupled with my temp's inability to be able to do the simplest things without screwing up was just too much.

How much you might ask? I had a nightmare last night where I went in today to do a few things, and saw that there were like 25 emails from Tuesday, all unread. I asked her, "did you take care of any of the emails?" and she replied,"only the one about dessert." That started the dream on the path of anger. She is holding some folder that looks unfamiliar to me, I ask her what it is? She states that it was some presentation folder she found on the network. I ask her if somebody had asked her to print it? And she said no. So then I ask her if she had started running projected cost reports and billing reports on Tuesday like she was supposed to. She stated, nope. She wasn't sure what to do. Then I started ripping her a new one in regards to how on Monday I told her the the importance of getting the billings out and then projected costs and how could she not have started them? And what was she doing if she wasn't replying to emails and printing things that were completely useless? This went on for about 5 minutes of real time ranting at her about her total lack of common sense.

The sad thing is that she really is like that. So all in all I'm incredibly glad I don't have to be there to continue to hold her hand. She had 5 weeks of training with me everyday and if she doesn't get it by now, she just doesn't get it. We'll see how much of a mess I come back to in a couple of months.

Anyways, so Monday contractions, but the closest they ever got was about an hour apart. Tuesday I had some later in the day and they never got closer than every 3 hours. Today? Not but maybe one or two - but I'm incredibly tired. In fact I can only count on one hand how many times I've been this exhausted before in my life. Jamers has this theory that my body is resting because it knows the energy it will be exerting soon. We'll see. I just want my baby in my arms already. I'm so fricken inpatient.

Well must toodle, Jamers went and picked my up the horrible dinner of my choosing tonight. Large fries, chicken nuggets, cheeseburger and milkshake. Yes I know, but I'm pregnant okay?

My Jamers was born! So he is now 28 and soon to be a daddy. (Yes, I rock the cradle of love) He doesn't have any clue what he wants to do today, which is both frustrating and good because I could start labor at any minute :) and it would be very annoying to be at a movie or something and have to leave.

Also, we watched Dexter (the first four episodes anyways) yesterday with Noe and Bryan. I think Jamers and I both really enjoyed it. Last night I was saying to my beloved, great, now we have another show to be addicted to. Luckily for us, Noe has stated that Bryan will buy her the first two seasons on DVD so we should be able to watch those at some point. Add to that Arrested Development and BSG and we may forever be in limbo on getting through any of them.

Our puppy playdate for today has been canceled. I guess that leaves Jamers and I on our own for finding something around the house to do together today.

Hope all your weekends are going well.

All went as great as could be expected at the Doc's on Thursday. I didn't gain any weight in the last week (YEAH!) so my total weight gain puts me at 27.5 lbs - not too bad and well within normal gainage. My blood pressure continues to be normal, high for me but normal for most people - this makes me happy :) As of Thursday afternoon I have dilated 1cm! Not that much, but good nonetheless. In fact, not only have I begun the process of dilations, but my Dr said I've thinned - I don't need to go into detail about that, do I? And that she could feel his head right there ready to come out!

What does this all mean? She said for a first time mom at 38 weeks - I could not hope for better. That made me smile! It means Xander is ready to come out - he is in position and now all we are waiting for is my body to kick it into gear and push the little guy out! I'm more excited now than scared. I keep telling myself this is probably the only time I'm going to do this so I should go into it with wonder and awe and less apprehension. The amazing thing is, it is starting to work! I'm really not as worried or scared. I just can't wait to meet the amazing person that Jamers and I are bringing into this world.

In other news, I had my first migraine last night. We went to sleep around 9ish and I slowly woke from slumber around 11ish with the worst headache of my life. I felt the aching in the four parts of my jaws at the back of my mouth and the pain continued up through my sinus, back through my head and apparently into my neck/shoulders. I was in so much pain I couldn't stand it. I took 2 than another 2 acetaminophen, which eventually helped. However, my eye pillow did nothing to kill the pain which is very odd for a headache of mine. I figured it was a migraine when I went to the bathroom and as I was walking back my eyes started having wavy lines go through my vision. I told Jamers and asked if it could be a migraine, which we have concluded it probably was. Relief only came after taking the pain relievers AND Jamers so diligently and lovingly got out of bed and started massaging my temples, head, sinus, mouth, eyes, and eventually my neck, shoulders, and arms. The whole time it felt so wonderful and nice, but when he got to my shoulders was when I realized that the pain was down that far, up until then I didn't recognize the hurt below my head. It was a very weird experience for me. He ended up rubbing and massaging for what seemed like an eternity. All the while the pain slowly receded until I could go back to sleep.

We are both hoping that this was a one time fluke due to my body being all out of whack with the immanent arrival of Alexander and all the stress I've been under at work. If this is a sign of things to come for the pickle life is not going to be glorious I'll tell you that. I don't want to rely on meds to kill a migraine so if this is the new post baby pickle life, I guess I'll start looking into homeopathic remedies.

Anyways we are now off to go buy some essential oils that should help during labor and post baby to keep my body relaxed and healthy. Holy Toledo Batman - am I turning into some sort of hippie?

No news on Jamer's job yet. He is going to call tomorrow.

I've been told by a multitude of women in the office that my baby appears to have dropped. My stomach is showing differently over the last couple of days apparently. I've also discovered new pains in my lower areas that lead me to believe Xander baby has started the drop if not completed it. Tomorrow I go to the Doctor for my weekly visit. She is going to check to see if I've begun the dilations that will allow the little one out of my body. I can't imagine it will be fun, but than again I can't imagine labor and delivery is going to be fun either.

It is still so weird to me that in a matter of mere days Jamers and I could be parents. I still think of myself as a young 20 something without adult responsibilities, although I've had responsibilities for as long as I can remember. You would think that buying the house would've cemented that way of thinking, but no. I guess on one hand that is good because I still see myself as young.

Anyhoo, any day he could show up and I'm still nervous and excited. I've been reading "The Tao of Pooh" which I'm rather enjoying. I didn't know anything about Taoist philosophy until beginning this book. Granted it is probably like reading Cliff notes on the subject, but it makes a lot of sense to me. I wish I could be more like Pooh, but alas, I have always been an Eeyore :( I think I would like to try to be more like Pooh although I don't see myself ever really mastering the "Is". (See there I go being all Eeyore like again!)

So life feels like I've taken a big breathe and I'm just holding it waiting to exhale on cue. As James just put it, I'm stuck between tick and tock. All I can do is wait and practice the "what will be will be" and know that everything will work out as it is meant to.

With that I leave you, perhaps for the last time as just a wife. Perhaps next posting I'll be a mommy too!

My sickness is pretty much gone and it didn't hit me nearly as bad as it could have. I do have lingering stuffies but the sore throat is completely gone and my nasal passage is much clearer!

They handed bonuses out yesterday for 2008 at work. I was floored by how much I got. I really wasn't sure, given the state of the union, that we would get anything. However, my company had a terrific year for 2008 and rewarded all of us as such. Honestly, the gross on my bonus was about 10% of my annual salary. After taxes, we still have enough to cover over 3 weeks of my maternity leave. It was a blessing and I couldn't stop telling Jamers how happy I was. It was money we had hoped for but didn't count on getting. Including my 3 weeks of PTO of 2009, I'll have about half my leave now covered before having to dip into savings! However, since it was extra, we went out to dinner at Olive Garden which we both had been craving last night. It was yummers and then this morning I went and got a chai on the way to work. But that is all the splurging for now the rest of the money will be maternity leave, *sigh*. I'm just lucky to have a job so I won't whine :)

On that note, tomorrow we should find out if Jamers got a job he interviewed at last week. Once again, we are hoping but not necessarily counting on it. It would certainly make this one of the best weeks ever for us if he did get it and then Alexander decides to show up on Sunday for Jamer's birthday.

I'm sure our lives have had more pluses lately, but those are the best things. If I have the energy tomorrow night I'll post about the (hoping) news that Jamers is once again employed!

Toodlies all!

Sick - I has it! I was originally going to post about how miserable I'm feeling. I blame one of my PMs who hasn't been feeling well lately, went home early on Friday and called in this morning with either laryngitis or strep (he was going to the dr later this morning). Coincidentally, my general icky feelings as of late that included a cough today turned into sore throat and stuffy nose. I've been drinking pom tea with honey and lemon to help but it doesn't help much.

I've been so healthy through this whole baby thing. If I get sick now I just may kill my PM - or make him feel real guilty - I haven't decided which yet.

In other news, my husband is fricken awesome! He just came up with a new character that I told him he needs to "characterize" on lj - the Gay Gangster. The jokes pretty much write themselves. For example, he just threw down the gang sign by putting his two fore-fingers and his two thumbs together to make an upside down triangle. I was cracking up. I guess that would be reason number 14 why I love my angille - he comes up with the weirdest stuff!

Did I ever mention Mackrel Jackson?

1) I've been told the following this week:
•I looked radiant - thank you tragerstreit
•At a General Contractor's office where I go every couple of weeks since about July by the receptionist "I didn't know you are pregnant. You're not swollen or anything." I believe it was a compliment about how although I'm ready to pop in 3 weeks (give or take) I still look pretty darn healthy and just a little bloated :)
•By my Doctor on Thursday "I just noticed. You don't have any stretch marks." I told her I've been fat before and my skin is used to stretching. But seriously, she isn't the only person to notice my lack of stretch marks. I guess my body really is made for the baby making business. I have no plans to compete with Mrs. Duggar at this time though.

2) I don't like to "discuss" my points of view as most of you know in regards to controversial subjects, however, this man sums up what I've been trying to say for years.
Please I don't want anyone telling me the evils of Pot. I agree 100% with what this man is saying and that is my point of view. There will be no changing it.

Thank you and have a nice day.