Falling on my ass. I'm sure most of you have done this at one time or another in your lives. I've done it before, I'll do it again. Normally it isn't something I get too upset over. I pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with what I was doing. Since we've moved into our beautiful home (almost a year ago) I have become more or less a falling freak. I think I've fallen more in our home, usually on nice hardwood stairs, than I can remember falling in my whole life.

I can remember a few big ones. Once while on a hike, I took a fantastic fall, sliding on my leg, down hill, on gravel and dirt. I had a great looking scar all up and down my left shin for awhile, or was it my right shin? I can't remember anymore. The scar isn't noticeable. As I've gotten larger over the years it just faded away into other skin.

My first and only time ice skating where I spent an hour going around the ice-rink once on my ass the whole time. Not only did it hurt, but after awhile it had the stingy bitey numbness you can only get with repeatedly smacking yourself with a solid block of ice, over and over again. These are the memories of my youth I will always treasure.

Today I shall add to the memories of pain from falling. This morning, as I was walking downstairs to feed the Shelbo, I took a tremendous fall. I bounced my right butt-cheek off the point of the second to last stair and promptly fell to the floor screaming in pain. At least I felt like I was screaming, however as Jamers took a good 45 seconds to come running down, I think I may have just been screaming in my head whilst quietly sobbing on the floor.

The end result of my fantastic foray into frontal floor findings is a GYNORMOUS bruise on my right cheek that Jamers has estimated at least 6-7 inches across, at least an inch at it smallest point, to 2 at it's apex in height. As I can feel pain everytime I bend my leg to sit or walk up and down the stairs, I can only imagine how deep it goes. Luckily I think no bones were/are involved in the pain. The bruise is pretty raised off my normal skin and is a mix of blue, purple and reds - it would be pretty if it didn't hurt so damn much.

Anyway I drove to work and took two Advil (anti-inflammatory) when I got there. Than a co-worker suggested this Chinese Herbal cream to rub on the area. It's supposed to help keep the bruising and pain down. I applied some and boy did it work! It was more of a honey substance than a cream, but it did the trick, at least for awhile. I got through the day and now I'm home nursing my wound so to speak. Poor Jamers is sick with what I had earlier this week. With the exception of the lingering sore throat and mild cough, I'm all better. It took about three days to run it's course on me, so I'm guessing Jamers with his powers of healing can probably be better by end of day tomorrow at the latest.

Off now to go think of food things. I don't want poor Jamers to have to worry about dinner, but last time I tried to do dinner things I had a cryfest for hours afterwards, not one of my finer moments. But I want to see if I can help tonight. Toodlies all.

I've been feeling incredibly depressed, drained, and what have you. Yesterday I did nothing but lay on the reclining loveseat, with a blankie and a bulldog on my lap and read my book. I didn't feel like yard or house work or even getting out the paint supplies and working on a frame or two.

Today my feelings of dread have been magnified exponentially. I've cried several times while sitting at my desk today wondering how in the hey I ever ended up working for a major corporation,not once, but twice, when I hate the way corporations are run? I have been thinking, far too hard, about my last job in Cali and how that was my dream job and I'll never be able to find anything like it again. Useless thoughts. I know this. I have no idea why I can't just get over it and accept my work life and come to work everyday with a smile. Usually I fake the smile, and the laughing, when really I want to scream at the top of my lungs "I AM NOT A POSITION. I AM NOT SLAVE. I AM A PERSON WITH VALID THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS." It probably isn't as bad as I think it is, but everyday I come here and sit and wish for another life. But at 31, where can I go? Unfortunately, I've fallen into Construction Accounting whether for good or ill. I want to work with animals. I want to move around and feel accomplished at the end of my day.

At least I'll be back in Cali in a little over a week :) That somehow is keeping me going for now, but what happens when I get back?

I will be going home for a visit in May and I'm so excited. Jamers will be staying home as his wonderful place of employ does not grant him magically paid for not being in the office until he has worked there for a year. I however, have 80 hours PTO that I have to use by the end of the year or I lose it. Thusly, I'm going home for Mother's day.

When I gave my mom a call to see if she would want me to come down she was ubberly excited. As I was just going to drive my keister down there, she offered to pay for me to fly, so I'm flying. Goddess only knows how much I hate to fly, but my flight out will be late in the evening after I've worked all day so I should be sufficiently tired enough to not be too bothered about it. She is also picking up the tab for me to use the airport shuttle to and from her house. So basically all I'll/we'll be paying for is my meals while I'm there that I don't have in.

I've contacted some of my most missed friends to start setting up dinner/lunches and coffees and whatnot. I'll be there for five and half days or so, which should give me time to make small visits and to have plenty of family time.

I am worried about that much time away from work though. It seems that I am always stressed and overwhelmed at this job, and missing even a day will set me back. But I don't really care, work is just a job and I can find another if I get to fed up with it. Today was one of those days where I kept switching between wanting to cry in frustration and wanting to kick a PM in the nuts, neither of which I did, but man was I close.

Friday last week was fun. We started the game, although by the time we started I started to pumpkin and my brain went all fuzzy. I think before next game I must stop and get some caffeine supplies to keep my mind going during game. On the other hand, my character is pretty old and weary, maybe I should stay off the caffeine and use my Friday night mind crash to my advantage. Anyway, had a blast and I'm very much looking forward to next session.

Saturday was soooooo beautiful that I had to get out in the yard and mow. In order to mow, the doggie pooplins had to be removed . . . . ickies! But I spent a couple hours out there, enjoying the sun and doggies. Then it was off to the BACON party, yummers.

There were many excellent foods, bacon chocochip cookies, bacon fried rice, Jamer's bacon quiche and his bacon green beans, and my new absosmurfly favorite: Bacon Alfredo. I was in heaven. Not very many peeps showed up which was okay by me as I'm becoming quite the antisocialist. There was however, someone who I just don't like, but I think I did a pretty good job putting up with them for as long as I did.

Sunday brought morning sun, yet more mowing (Good God do we have a lot of grass!) and Ticket to Ride and pizza with KurtXine. Yes my arteries are doing just fine, even after the weekend of incredibility bad food.

Yesterday was work and exhaustion. Today was work and exhaustion. The sun must start shining soon if I'm going to get off my butt and get outside to walk. I just can't seem to get myself motivated to walk when I'm sitting here typing with my hood up over my head and my fingers going numb . . . damn Oregon weather!

Otay lady, I love you, bai bai!

To start, not this just-past weekend, but the one before was loaded with gaming fun. On Friday we had met up with our play testing group and begun working on characters for that game. I had a blast meeting the new peeps.

nosslins, manicgiraffe (henceforth to be known as Broe), xinejaquette, and khinderer (henceforth to be KurtXine) came over on Saturday night for din-dins and fun. KurtXine made a casserole which was so darn tasty we all finished it right off. Then onto a round of Phase 10 and finally to finish the evening Drunken Pictionary. Much enjoyment, as always and I believe it was Manicgiraffe came up with the notion that all women need to wear see through pants, ala Jasmine from Aladdin. Honestly, I can't remember the string that got him to that sentiment as I was on the girls team, also known as Team Inebriated. Broe left the Dosialovelins at home for the evening as the three Bully breed doggies together are a handful to deal with. Although I know Shelbo missed her terribly.

This last weekend, KurtXine came over on Friday and introduced us to a new game, Ticket to Ride. Jamers seems to be as addicted to it as Kurt, and I caught him this afternoon looking it up on the interwebs with all it's various incarnations. KurtXine stayed pretty late on Friday, especially when Jamers and I get up at 5 in L morning. As they headed off Jamers asked them if they would like to go with us to Voodoo Donuts the following day.

I know some of you Portlanders know of Voodoo, I myself did not until recently. Apparently they are pretty well known among Portland for their crazy donuts. For example, the whole reason I wanted to go, was not because I'm a donut fiend, but because they have combined two of my favorite flavors, Bacon (um. . . . bacon) and maple, to make a Bacon Stripped covered Maple Bar. Must have for the Bacon lover! So, we load up in the car Saturday noonish to head down to Portland Proper to gets some donuts.

I navigated pretty well through the downtown traffics, and we found a parking place right around the corner from the shop. Perfect! Get in, get out, get eating! We round the corner and walk into the hole in the wall, donut dive, that is Voodoo Donuts. Now I don't always mind the divey places, Roxy has got some terrific greasy yummies, but sometimes it does bother me.

We walk in the door and Kelly is immediately encountered with problems.
1) I iz clawzstrofobic so after about 5 minutes I had gone beyond my comfort level, because
2) The place was fricken packed and as such
3) They didn't need to take Debit cards, cash only and their ATM was sooooo not working. As in the fracken thing was unplugged. Honestly, how many peeps carry cash nowadays? which caused us to
4) Walk down a block to the Saturday Market, hop on the Max, get off at Pioneer Square, pick up the cashes, and jump back on the Max to get the donuts. At this point, Pickle, is getting slightly irritated that we are jumping through hoops for a donut.

We get back go in and the crowd is even bigger than before. I tell Jamers to get me the bacon maple, and a variety of other weird ass donuts to try, before I go outside to stand in the rain.

After 10 or so minutes, he comes out and tells me they won't have anymore maple bacon bars for oh, maybe two hours, I said, why did you get out of line to tell me that? I told you to get a variety of weird donuts. He said, it's okay I can go back to the front. Whatever.

He walks in KurtXine walks out and informs me that pretty much all their weird donuts aren't available, and they ask why Jamers came out and went back since he has to get in teh back of the line. At this point I looses it. I open the door and tell him we are leaving this is ridiculous for donuts especially since he needs to get in line all over again. To make the story shorter, he came out later with 3 regular donuts.

We went out to real food on teh way home and ate our donuts later as we enjoyed more Ticket to Ride and Phase 10. I can say that their popularity most be solely based on the weird donuts, cause the regular ones were nothing special. It was pretty disappointing really. I'm sure the weird donuts are totally awesome, but I just don't think I'm going to put that sort of effort into trying again and more than likely failing at obtaining one of their donuts.

The rest of the weeekend was okay, more house cleaning on Sunday. The bedroom is pretty clean right now as is teh computer room, which has taken on a new flavor. I think as time goes on we'll refine our rooms' themes and eventually the house will be just as we want it.

Other than that, work is work. I have my good times and my bad times there. I think for the first time in my life I'm truly take it or leave it with my feelings at my current job. People change often in positions so everything seems disorganized and there is unfortunately a ton of "its not my job" or "that was so and so's job originally, so I have no idea". It is getting incredibly old and draining.

No baby news :( still

Honey is coming along. She has had a pretty good streak these last two days in not being terrified by everything :) She is eating with out as much proding, and she seems to be getting more social with James and I. She still has a tremendously long way to go until she is a "normal" dog, but that is okay. The weird thing, when we go out in teh backyard (when it isn't raining and cold) she acts like a normal dog. She jumps like a kangaroo, she runs, she places, she fetches, her whole face lights up and she comes to life. When she is in the house, she is quite, and timid. Very weird.

Anyways that was a much longer post than anybody will ever care to read, sorry. I went back yesterday and skimmed over my first few posts on lj back in 2005. I really wanted to just delete the entries since they were all whiny about a boy, but that was the state I was in back then so I thought it better to leave them, for now. Now onto din-din, and character creations as I want to get them done and not wait until the last minute like I usually do.

I have such sites to show you . . .er, strike that, reverse it.

Life has been going all sorts of wacky as of late. How wacky? Let us see:

1) We have joined a new gaming group, every other Friday. We are play-testing a game and we've had one meet up so far. We had a blast, although we haven't actually gamed yet. The group is filled with awesome people and I swear I have seen a few of them before. I was way apprehensive at first, cause, meeting new people. . . I haven't done that since before we moved up here. I've become such an introvert since we got here, I don't feel comfortable leaving the house most days. Although the rest of the group seems to be experienced in a wider variety of gaming than I, I think it will work out great. If not, I hope to at least gain some friends from the whole thing. Time will tell.

2) I got a bonus from the company that hired me (finally). It was loverly to get a little extra income that I could spend on what I want, although Jamers really wants me to pay down the credit cards. But hey, we don't have that much on them and we can use the government's commerce kick-back to pay down the credit cards, right? So I ordered a case of a variety of Bonny Doon wines :) I can't wait for them to get here, scheduled for Thursday. I luvers me some wine! I highly recommend them to anyone out there who enjoys a good wine that is a tad bit off the beaten path. Sure, you'll find a Pinot here or a Syrah there, but the majority of their on-line wines, I can't even pronounce. Next time we drives down to SC maybe instead of a Liquor Barn run, we should make a Boony Doon run. They have sooo many more wines that aren't listed on their web-page AND they have some wines they won't ship out of Cali for some odd reason.

3) Given the above, maybe I should have a grown up type wine/cheese party for the, oh, couple handfuls of people I know. It could be fun, and for those less inclined to wines, there is always our mostly fully stocked bar. Yeah, maybe a spring says hello to summer party! I'll have to think on that.

4) With the rest of the bonus, I wanted to get my beloved angille a Wii. Now most of you know my aversion to buying things like gaming systems because we simply don't play on them, nor do we have the time. However, Jamers didn't get anything for his birthday, I think it would be awesome to get him something that he doesn't "need" but rather would love to have. He is so practical when it comes to the money thing I just want him to have something that he would never actually buy for himself. HOWEVER, trying to obtain said Wii by just walking into a Best Buy, is, apparently even after all this time, impossible! So perhaps one day, I'll give my love a cherry that had no stem, er, a Wii, but that day seems to be far, far away. Perhaps even in another galaxy?

5) My mom is having some sort of serious (although she won't say boo to me about it) health issue. Apparently she is doing fine, but if she has what preliminary tests show, than there is really nothing we can do and I will need to take control (yet again) and be the parent and make sure everything is taken care of for when her health does turn. I need to do some research on the whole thing since I have no idea how long it takes or how it will effect her. I do know though that it is not a reversible problem and that her drinking is only continuing to make it worse. Given the fact that she didn't stop smoking after both her parents died from cancer, I can't see how this will make her give up drinking.

6) Heidi (sister-by-choice, the elder) is finally tying the knot in August on the 2nd. Jamers and I need to plan our trip, but he has so few details that I don't want to commit to flying, if we decide to take longer and drive and visit all the CA peeps. Oh, the decisions to be made.

7) The house is looking great, good, er, okay? The house size is still overwhelming to poor little me so I take cleaning in little tiny strides. This means the whole house is never really clean, oh well to that!

8) We totally re-did the downstairs! The bar-room which we almost never used was moved into the TV room to make an entertainment bonanza room. It feels so much more cozy, and this frees up the bar-room to be an actual guest bedroom. Which is the best since it has it's own bathroom attached and it's own entrance to the backyard.

Well the man is informing me that the dindins are ready. I think we are having a wonderful dinner of spinach dip, taquitos, and corn dogs. Some nights, Jamers gets real creative with dinner.

1) Getting hired on, effective this coming Monday. Great news, however, I had to keep it hush-hush this week since I don't think they are hiring on the receptionist who started right about the same time as me. That kinda blew chunks since she is the only person at work who I can really talk to. In fact I had to lie to her about it which was just about the worst thing I've done. I hate lying.

2) Gave the doggies a bath because they were starting to smell like doggies again. Now they smells like tropical fruit salads, hmmmmmm . . . ..tropical fruit salads. It was an experience to say the least. It was Honey's first bath here with us, and she dealt with it only slightly better than Shelby. Both dogs seem to have a fear of the bathtub for some odd reason. Really, Honey is afraid of just about everything, but everybody should really be afraid of her. You know those Pitbulls are vicious and evil and they'll rip you to shreds first chance they get. Honestly, I can't wait until better weather so we can take the girls out in public and hopefully show people that Pits are great loving caring dogs that have gotten some pretty bad press. Errrrr, I get angry just thinking about it.

3) I've actually been feeling better since my last period (TMI, sorry). However, the nausea and the headaches and the dizzyness etc, has been gone pretty much ever since. I still plan on getting to a doc as soon as I can (yeah for going perm and getting health insurance) but at least it isn't interfering with my daily life anymore. I think maybe Xine is right when she said it might be my thyroid, but until I get to the doc, who knows?

4) Annie, may or may not be coming up for a weekend during her spring break in a couple of weeks. Money is a factor and even if she can't get up here this month, after she graduates in June she is planning to come up for a visit for sure. We she does get here, we are soooo starting on the backyard! I have been waiting for this and the fact that we will start on it this year just makes me so happy. When the spring/summer of sunnytimes finally arrive spending the weekends in the yard working on it and playing with my girls(Shelbo and Honey-pie) will make all of the crappy winter months just wash away. Although I got to say, I enjoy all the different seasons we get up here. During the winter, I felt totally fine curling up on the cuddler with a blankie (otay I still do that) on the weekends/nights and watching tv with the petlins and Jamers. We've almost finished X-files, I think we are half way through 8th season, we got completely through what we had of That 70's show but we just got season 6 so we are a little behind, and a bunch of other stuff. Anyhoo, point is that as I get lazy and comfy during the winter, during the summer I very much look forward to outside activities and little tv time.

5) What else? I can't think of what else has happened this week. Jamers, I love him so, is gently brushing my hair so we can go shower. I ask you, how many other husbands enjoy brushing their wives hair? Otay, maybe don't answer that. I like to think of it as one of those special bonds between just us things. Well, I'm going to toodle off now so we can ICHC and Engrish before shower time.

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I take Visa, Mastercard, and of course crisp clean cash.

I was informed today that I am being offered a perm position effective next Monday! I get health insurance right off the bat so I can finally go to el doctors. I don't think I've posted much about my health issues cause there isn't much in the way of happiness there. However, I will not speculate as to what is wrong with me, however, I can say that mother nature has informed me twice since all my problems began that I am not pregnant. I just have nausea, dizziness, heartburn, backache(but this is nothing new), headaches, some problems I won't mention, and I'm real, real tired. Anyhoo, hopefully I can get into a doctor's office soon and they can help me with all my problems.

But the good news is a perm employee, finally! I hate the temp to hire crap. The poopy side is I'll be making the same salary as now, which is still less than at my last job, and with the skyrocketing costs of gas, we are definitely feeling it in our pocketbook. Oh, well, everything happens for a reason and I'm sure we'll figure something out.

My sis has been working on hardscape plans for our yards! I'm excited, she's excited. She is so excited that she wants to come up during spring break to show Jamers and I the plans. The only thing would be money, of course, but other than that she is itching for us to get this going. She said it is like a six year plan and it will be costly. However, as Jamers and I plan on living here until we die, we don't mind taking our time and dumping money into our yards to make them our dreams come true. I'll post more about this as soon as I know.

In other news, Honey is such a love, but oh so very skittish and timid. She will run into the backyard if she hears a loud noise, any type of noise and won't come back in. Usually one of us will go out and carry her back in. She is getting a little better, but I think it is going to be a long while before she is no longer afraid of people. Either at the last place the rescue got her from where after a year the lady brought Honey back because she didn't greet her at the door (Oh I would love to bitch slap that woman!) or where Honey originally came from, a crack house, or maybe at both, somebody really, really mistreated her. And yes, she came from a crack house, no joke, poor thing.

Anyhoo, the dindins are calling and *sniff sniff* there is bacon involved because Jamers loves me that much!

1. *Night of the Living Dead*
2. *28 days later*
3. *Dead Alive*
4. *Keeping the Faith*
5. *Spaceballs*
6. *Hedwig and the Angry Inch* I was a little disappointed in my Jamers for not getting this one.
7. *Pick of Destiny*
8. *Psycho Beach Party*
9. *Grease*
10.*Three Amigos*
11.*Beauty and the Beast*
12.*Nightmare before Christmas*
13.*My Fair Lady* - all my friends who claim to like musicals, shame for not getting that.
14.*Gone with the wind*
15.*Much Ado About Nothing* the KB version.

That was fun. Thanx to all who took the time to guess :)

1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. NO GOOGLING / using IMDb search functions. Totally cheating, you dirty cheaters.


1. They're coming to get you, Barbara, there's one of them now! halloweenboy you are correct! *Night of the Living Dead*

2. Plans are pointless. Staying alive is as good as it gets. almond_tiger you are correct! I'm really surprised nobody picked this one up earler :) *28 days later*

3. I kick arse for the Lord! intrepid_glory you are correct. I'm actually surprised somebody other than grendel_girl or Jamers got this one. *Dead Alive*

4. The seven deadly sins. Who can name the seven deadly sins? People! It was a very popular film with Brad Pitt, you have the ultimate cliff note.
***No this is not from "Meet Joe Black", but thank you for playing, please try again!***

5. Out of order? FUCK! Even in the future, nothing works! khinderer your brain is correct! *Spaceballs*

6. He sang the strangest songs to me, by bands I had never heard of: Boston, Kansas, America, Europe, Asia. Travel exhausts me.

7. Go ahead and sleep on the power couch. Your training begins tomorrow, at the crack of noon. manicgiraffe you are correct!*Pick of Destiny*

8. Kid, listen to it in high-fidelity, stereophonic sound: surfing's a man's domain. No minnows in the shark tank.

9. When a guy picks a chick over his buddies, something's gotta be wrong. Come on, guys let's go for some pizza. manicgiraffe you are correct, and Holy Crap nobody got this one earlier!*Grease*

10. In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo! halloweenboy you got this one too. I don't think it is too hard if you've actually seen the movie.*Three Amigos*

11. As you can see, the psuedo-facade was stripped away to reveal a minimalist rococo design. Note the unusual inversely vaulted ceilings. This is yet another example of the late neoclassic Baroque period. And, as I always say, "if it's not Baroque, don't fix it!" khinderer your brain works extra well. I had to slip one from my fav movie, but boy was it hard since almost every quoteable refers to Belle or the Beast or a song.*Beauty and the Beast*

12. Nice work, Bone Daddy! halloweenboy you are correct. Somehow I'm not surprised :)*Nightmare before Christmas*

13. She's so deliciously low. So horribly dirty.

14. I'm very drunk and I intend on getting still drunker before this evening's over. laughing_dreams you are correct! I'm half surprised nobdy picked up on this earlier either, cause dude, GWTW is one of my favs. *Gone with the wind*

15. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humor? No. The world must be peopled.

Three cats and two doggies! Honey came to us this evening from a local rescue. She is a pitbull lovelins and she is still getting used to the house.

I can't say much other than, I'm ubberly excited to get a second doggie. Excited for us, excited for the cats who won't have Shelby bugging them nearly as often, and mostly for Shelbo. Now she has a live in friend to spend her days with!

OH and some bad stuff happened today, but who cares?

So life is all jumbly right now. Everytime something good seems to happen, it is shortly followed by a bad thingy. This weekend? Jamers had his birthday on Friday, he finally turned 27. We had our small group of friends over for fondue and cake. I think all in all it was a pleasant evening.

We got up Saturday and had planned on going to the local Petsmart where a local rescue goes to show their adoptables every Saturday. We loaded Shelbo into Justice (the Explorer) and headed on our way. Now the previous weekend, when I had started Justice to move her in the driveway, she made a very loud and scary sounding noise. I immediately turned her off and ran upstairs to check with the Man and see if he had been having any problems with her. Jamers said he hadn't heard any weird noises, nor had anything strange happened. I wrote it off to Justice just not liking me to drive her anymore since Jamers had started using her during the icey snowy times.

So we are all happy in Justice, driving along to the Petsmart to hopefully find the Shelbilations a new buddy, when the car starts making the noise again. I took my foot off the accelerator and the noise stopped, I put my foot on the gas, and the noise grew louder and louder. We were coming to a red stop light and slowed down, the noise went away. As soon as the light changed and I tried to go, the car wouldn't move and made the noise again. I managed to pull her off the road enough so others could pass us and we wouldn't be a hazard. Than we had the awfully fun task of finding the hazard lights, which in a car neither of us drive that much, and under the circumstance of HAVING to find them, it took us a minute or so. I had Jamers call AAA to get the car towed and I called Mr. Hinderer to see if he could be so kind as to pick one of us up with Shelby and take us back to the house.

Luckily for us, Kurt and Xine live near by and he was there within about 10 or so minutes. AAA got a tow in route and gave us a 1 hour window. AAA asked if we needed to be towed to a mechanic at which point James and I were both thinking: We don't have a mechanic so AAA recommended one to us that was approved by them. Jamers ended up heading back to the house with Shelbo and I waited for the tow truck.

Amazingly enough, the tow truck showed up within 40 mins (or less really) and got the car hooked up and we were on the way to the shop (which is fortunately open on Saturdays) in about 10 minutes. Now I've been towed (due to accidents) several times in my life, never have I encountered such a nice tow truck driver who was so quick and getting things taken care of. I was very pleased since the situation on the whole was horrible.

I had thought that perhaps the noise was the fuel pump going out. Not that I know anything about cars, but just the fact that it was happening when I put my foot on the accelerator and only than lead me to that conclusion. When we got to the shop and I went in and told the lady what I thought was wrong with the car. The tow truck driver took Justice off the flat-bed and asked if I could get her parked. I got in the car and tried to move her, but when I turned her on, all she did was make that hideous noise and wouldn't move.

I went in and told them, I couldn't get the car to move and now the tow truck driver couldn't leave as he was blocked in by Justice. They said they would get somebody to come out and move her. So a mechanic comes out and starts her up and she makes the noise and the service manager says, "that isn't a fuel pump. Probably the transmission." At this point all I can think of is $$$$$$$$$ . . . . CRAP!

The mechanic parks the car and comes back and says, definitely not the fuel pump. It's the Transfer case. He looks at the Service Manager and tells her, "Not going to be worth re-building, look for a used one" and he heads back inside. I was shocked that just by hearing it and driving it for 45 seconds he could tell what the problem is.

I ask the service manager what the Hey the transfer case is, and she dumbs down whatever explaination she would normally give, to tell me that it is realted to the 4x4 on the vehicle. Hm, thinks I. We haven't used the 4x4 . . . .Damn! James has been using the 4x4 on his commute over the hill!

I wait for James and as he is walking to me, I very calmly (yes, ask him, I was calm!) asked him if he had bothered to read the driver's manual before he started F&*#ing around with the 4x4. He said no. I told him they think it is the transfer case, that is directly related to the 4x4 capabilities of the vehicle.

I get in the car and Jamers, Shelby and I head over to Petsmart. I didn't let this ruin my day, it only delayed it a bit. Jamers looked through the manual for the Ford, and low and behold, he wasn't doing everything the way he was supposed to. He got real quiet and I could tell he was feeling horrible. I told him, it is only a car, no big deal, it's just a costly mistake. Hey we have two other cars, so we can both still get to work, so no worries.

So that was the poopliest of pooplies this last weekend. Justice is still at the shop as they couldn't fit her in on Saturday anyways. Our pretty decent sized tax refund, is now going to be used to pay the repair cost on Justice, instead of going into savings.

We did find a few doggies that we are interested in, and are waiting to hear back from the rescue. Jamer's friend Jason is coming up Saturday night to visit from Eugene so I've been in a mad rush the rest of the weekend to get things cleaned up. Which is no easy task!

Other than that things are the same. My depression has not gotten much better, the effects of the small pay-cut I took to work here, along with the increase in driving (gas cost) is finally hitting us in the pocket book. We have to be pretty frugle right now until we see how much, or what I get offered here when I go perm. Which should be about a week away, although nobody has said anything to me about it. If things stay as they are we may have to change our W-4s from S-0 to M-0 or S-1, to gain a little back in our pocketbook.

Anyway my lunch will be over soon. I really hope you are all doing better than me right now. Toodlies.

Despite our best efforts of searching house to house, yard to yard, peppering mailboxes with flyers (it is illegal in Oregon to put fliers up on power poles), visiting the big three animal shelters in Portland several times, and posting the lost report on just about every site Jamers could, we haven't heard a peep about him. It is almost like he vanished.

Scully however, is doing awesome. She is quite the talker and is either being extremely bold and curious or completely timid and skittish, it's sorta weird.

Shelbo's mom emailed me this morning, apparently she is now living in Arizona. She has no idea what is going on (nothing new really) but she made it clear that if we want to keep Shelby she would totally understand. She said it wasn't what she had intended, but she only wants what is best for Shelbs and she knows that we are taking the bestest care of her that we can. I haven't emailed her back yet to let her know how we feel. That brings me to . . .

So my depression has gotten worse. To the point that not only do I not have energy, but I'm finding it very hard to stay awake in the middle of the day. To help combat it, I started painting the fairy room (finally) over the last week. The ceiling is a beautiful blue that really does look like the sky, so much in fact that when I go in there, I don't even notice the ceiling. The light green we picked out as a base for the walls is not exactly what I thought, but Jamers is cool with it and has assured me that with furniture back in the room it won't look so yellow. Th only snafu is the stupid fan. We can't seem to get the "decorative" ring off the top of it where it meets the ceiling. This is unfortunately a crucial piece in removing the fan, because the screws are underneath the decorative ring. I told Jamers that if we can't take the fan down so it is useable, I'll sledge the fucker right off the ceiling. We bought a new mattress for the daybed and soon the room will be all fixed up and woodsy.

Anyhoo dindins are calling. So now I leave.

sometime between 11 last night and 5 this morning. We've looked and looked and called and called. We put up flyers, Jamers put some in mailboxes, but it is too cold after sundown to go out. I post a missing ad on craigslist and went to our local animal shelter to check and place the lost information.

I'm emotionally exhausted. I feel like I need to do so much more but I can hardly hold my head up. I feel like this little guy is going to die and it is my fault. I won't get into specifics about how he got out, but I will say I should've gone with my instinct last night.

Anyhoo, sadness takes over and I must eat so I can get up tomorrow and resume the search when I get back from work.

We went to the Oregon Humane Society today with plans of finding Shelby a doggie friend. We had looked on line and found a few that we were interested in meeting. We drive out there and take a look through the kennels. It becomes evident shortly after we enter that for some reason the doggies just don't like Jamers. They bark agressively at him and a few even bared their teeth. I'm pretty sure it was his body language and after the first one he was I think a little afraid which didn't help through the rest of the kennels. I didn't want to waste any time just looking when I knew we wouldn't be able to bring any of them home. We got back to the main lobby and I said to James, can we take a look at the cats?

Well, 2 hours plus and 5 cat meetings later, we came home with two new furbabies today. Their former names were Truman Copote and Phyllis, but to us they are, (yes we are dorky) Mulder and Scully. The names sorta hit us as we were coming home. We've been watching so much X-files and the one kitty, Scully, is an orange tabby, very petite and adorable. So I said, let's name them Mulder and Scully, and Jamers thought it was perfect. Mulder is a gray with white paws and chest stray, very slender, but oodly affecionate. He is also a talker as he demonstrated on the way home. He is very much enjoying his new surroundings exploring everything where Scully is being way shy and holed up under the daybed. She'll come around I just think she needs some time to acclimate.

Now they are secure in their own room with their own litterbox and foodlings and water. Kept away from Vel and Baz and Shelbo for the first few days to a week. Vel doesn't really seem to care that they are here. Shelbo seems extremely excited at the prospect of new playmates. Baz, well Baz on the other hand is a psycho freak and is not taking this well. When we got home, I got Shelbs put in her cage and brought in Mulder and Scully in their cages. I put them down, only to shut the front door behind me, than picked them back up to bring them to their new room. Unfortunately, Mulder was complaining about the human conspriacy to keep all cats oppressed or something and Baz went ape-shit. Half way up the stairs I feel this intense pain as my precious little baby is attacking me like I'm tonights dinner. I kicked him back and got the new babies into the room and shut the door. Taking a look at my legs, he did some major fucking damage. I've got major puncture wounds and bruising from the places where he really suck his nails in. I treated them with hydrogen peroxide and anitbotic ointment. I think it is going to be a couple of slow weeks of intoducing the new kittlins to Baz but I'm hoping it works out in the end.

Anyways, must toodle off, but I had to share my most happy news. I can't say enough how awesome my Jamers is for letting me get two more kitties! Plus he says we can still get another dog, but that is his limit for pets,and honestly, probably mine too.

1) I recognized today that I am depressed. Not sad and crying depressed, but definitely affected by depression. I have no drive for anything right now. I've barely lifted a finger around the house in months and I feel drained all of the time. I think I got like this last holiday season as well. I miss my family and having a Christmas tree and presents and parties and friends and oh, the list goes on and on. I really don't like feeling this way. Please offer me no suggestions, I've heard most of them before. Exercise, take medication, take herbal supplements, blah, blah. I don't want to have to change who I am to feel good. I want to be my old Kelly self again and be happy and energetic. Whatever, it too shall pass.

2) I know I need not mention it here as 99% of you who may read this are smart enough to know, but I most throw this out anyway. If you are going 50 mph down a hill and you have a choice of cutting off an SUV or getting behind the SUV (there was plenty of space) ALWAYS choose behind the SUV. As anyone with driving experience knows, well not everyone apparently, large vehicles take a lot longer to slow down. Luckily I leave plenty of room for just such a thing. Obviously, some Oregonian driver cut me off on the way to work this morning at 6:15. I'm complaining, I know but still. If I wasn't paying OCD attention to the road, I probably would've hit the jackass.

3) Class is a funny thing. I'm not talking about English or Bio, nor am I talking about etiquette and such, I mean the upper-middle-lower class thing. We were talking with our friends on Sunday and I was utterly shocked to hear that they view James and I as upper middle class. Seriously shocked. Up until a week before that, I didn't even consider us middle class, well maybe lowest of the low of middle class but that was it. I was raised in a neighborhood with pretty well off families. My friends' parents mostly owned their own homes, we were the renters in the neighborhood. My friends' had parents that were business owners and lawyers and sheriffs, and I had a dad who worked at a laundry. Granted he is/was an engineer of sorts, but all his knowledge was gained on the job that he had started working at as an apprentice when he was 16. He never went to college or anything.

Anyhoo the point is, my family has usually been at the lower end financial side of the circles we've been in. Even in our own family. Kayla's family isn't rich, but they do pretty well for themselves. Her parents are hard workers so it isn't like they were handed anything, but for all intents and purposes they are pretty well taken care of. My other Aunt and Uncle, the one my mom bought our Exploder (Justice) from they are oodly loodly better off. Once again, they work hard, and it has paid off for them as well. Back in the day when we were growing up, Christmas when we would all get together for dinner, the other kids always had gifts that made me jealous that my parents couldn't get me those things as well. So I have always felt like I've come from a pretty fruggle background. We didn't live in the ghetto or anything, but we didn't take family vacations to places that didn't involve a sleeping bag and camper stove.

Now that I'm an adult, despite all that I have accomplished, I still feel like that girl. In my mind, I'm still hoovering on the brink of poor, even though that is nowhere near reality. I haven't stepped away from myself in quite awhile to take a look at where I really am in life. Now when I look at it, things really are different. We have a beautiful house (but we will be paying for it until we die) in a great neighborhood with a fantastic yard. We are almost completely out of debt (other than the house) as we just bought the new dishwasher last weekend and the dryer last month. We own three cars that are all in pretty good condition that we don't make payments on. We don't scrape by check to check and even though we try to keep extraneous purchases to a minimum, if there is something we want, we can usually afford to buy it.

I'm not saying this to rub it in anybody's face, that really isnt' my style despite what some others have thought over the years. I'm saying this because I can finally see that my hard work has paid off. All the years of working instead of partying, all anally paying my bills and wise spending of my money. Yes James and I are a team, but I don't think this is the same for him that it is for me. We aren't rich by any means. We both have to work full time to be able to have the comfortable lifestyle that we do. I still don't think we are upper-middle income, but probably pretty close.

4) I got an awesome shirt for one of my 12 days of Christmas presents from my momma in law, I call her Momma Donna. It is a dark purple t-shrit (purple is my fav color afterall) with a profile of a dog. Above the dog it says "Life is Simple" under the dog, "Eat.Sleep.Adopt a dog." I am soooooo happy with this shirt. I wore it today but it wasn't warm enough for me to take of my sweatshirt. I can't wait for summer so I can go around and have people read it. I know I sound like a child, but seriously, you all know my love for the animals and this is one of the best ways I could have thought off to tell the world.

Well dindins are ready and I must go to the room with the Mulder and Scully to voyeurize. Toodlies all.

Do not come in my building

Send it back we will take care of it

So yeah, what is up with that? If I send it back to them in the mail, than wait for him to turn it around I still have no guarantee that the check had been drafted against an active account. NOR do I get me check in the time frame that the Oregon Statute dictates.

So now I'm wondering how much do I want to trust this fucktard who won't even let me drop by to have my paycheck that they issued signed?

PLEASE ANY SUGGESTIONS HERE IS GREATLY, GREATLY, APPRECIATED.

Thanx, Pickle.

I would like some opinions here, and playmayt your advice would probably be the best, on how to proceed with the company that still owes me for three days of work. I got a check today, with the original checkdate (that is weird if it got lost in the mail) and it wasn't signed. I'm not even bothering to tell them they spelled my name wrong and gave me the wrong tax withholding exemptions. Below is what I've send to the CEO Asshat over at that company, and although I had Jamers read it over like 3 times, I still want to make sure I played my hand correctly.

Hey there,

I got my paycheck today, dated 11/20 but mailed out Friday 11/30, which is a little odd considering the first check which would've been dated 11/20 supposedly got lost in the mail. However, it doesn't have a signature on it so I can't cash it and I want to make sure the account on this check is still open. The check number is "2" which makes it appear that this account is either not in use or not your payroll account. I'm sure this was just another oversight, but as this check has already taken longer to get to me than the Oregon Statute dictates, five days excluding holidays and weekends, I will need to have the check signed and able to be deposited on Monday.

Will you be in the office Monday so I can bring it in and have it signed and what would be a good time to do so? I would also like to validate at that time that this check was issued against an active account. Whether your intention or not, I'm starting to feel as though these delays in my paycheck are a retaliation for quitting. You can probably imagine with the check numbering being so very, very low and the check not being signed I have my suspicions. I sincerely hope that is not the case as I would like to remember "Inserted Company Name Here" in the best light I possibly can. If we can settle the matter with the check on Monday and it clears the bank just fine I would be extremely appreciative. I know I would not like to have to take this matter to BOLI, over a couple hundred dollars, as I'm sure you would not, but if we can't get this taken care of, that may be the only alternative I have.

I've attached the Oregon Statutes that pertain to final paychecks that you may want to reference in the future in case you have another employee quit. Other people may not be as patient as I have been when waiting for their final paycheck.

Looking forward to hearing from you

How does that sound? Politically correct but also upfront in telling him he can't jerk me around? Opinions are greatly appreciated. Oh and I did attach a word file citing the three applicable Oregon Statutes in regards to final paychecks, withholding them from an employee, and disputing them. That way he can see I mean business, but also he can see that since they've taken so long to get me my paycheck, I have the right to lay a claim against them, and actually get up to twice the amount I'm owed since they did not comply within the time line dated in the Statute. I also found out that should it go that route, they will have to pay my attorney fees as well. Somehow I don't think $300 or so dollars is worth that type of headache to them, but who knows? He did seem like the type that would fuck with someone over such a small amount if he was really Hell bent on it.

Other than that, today we went shopping and I discovered that shopping for us is a lot easier than shopping for others. We did however, manage to pick up some stuff for our families for the season of giving and we are on our way to getting our purchasing done. We thought up some great ideas for friend gifts, and bought some awesome light fixtures at IKEA (yes we finally went) that will look fabu in the fairie room. We're going to yank out the huge ugly fan that is in the middle of the ceiling, and replace it with a bright yellow sun fixture. Than we got a couple of flower lights that we can mount on the wall to make it seem that much more foresty. I'm so excited that I actually began the spackling on the walls so I can get to painting soon.

Must toodle now and find other things to distract me from my anger thoughts about wanting to kick some New Yorker ass - No offense to you Playmayt.

You know its funny. I will be just hanging out and thinking about a post I want to make. In my head the feeling of the entry is the truest expression of my soul poured out onto the screen with effortless grace.

Than I sit down at the computer and all the beautiful poetry is gone. I can barely even recall what was so funny or important at the time that I wanted to dedicate an entry to it. So I sit here typing inane little tidbits of my life capturing for prosperity not my true inself but rather the teidious boring ramblings of a woman in mid-life who never has an original thought or idea.

You know, it really is funny.

In my holiest of traditions, factoids about my life right now.

1) Said ex-company who owes me my compensation has not returned my email. Or really I should say responded to my first email with "It was mailed payday did you give her the right address?" Let me see . . . .a)I wrote on my W-4 my address b)I wrote on my I-9 my address I'm pretty sure you have my correct address. I replied as such, but in a more politically correct verbage, and asked them to stop payment and reissue my paycheck. I added my address to make sure the replacement check doesn't get lost as well. That was on Tuesday, so. . .let me just say that if I don't see a paycheck from them in tomorrow's mail I will send another email citing the Oregon statutes regarding final paychecks and failure to pay them.

2) I really do love my new job. I'm learning new things everyday I get to do such a variety of work that I don't see how I can get bored. I've helped put out quite a few fires this week and I'm finding many problems with stuff that was done before I got there. I'm proud of the fact that although I may have to be taught new things when I start a new job and I ask many questions for direction, I despite all the confusion and doubt about performing a task, I still retain that inherit logic of reason and I can work my way through a problem. A silly thing to be proud of I'm sure, but I am quite silly :)

3) I don't feel so Rabid in my Pickle soul anymore. I'm not quite sure why though I suspect it has more than a dew drop to do with my beloved angille's guiding presence in my life. I still freak out from time to time, I am human after all, but more general anger at teh world is gone. I don't get mad at traffic, I get mad at the idiots in the traffic. It could also be that as the years have swam through my life I've mellowed on my fears and worries. It could be that I'm finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. It could be because I had a Special Brownie. I honestly don't know what it is - but somehow Rabid Pickle just doesn't feel like me. As Rabid Pickle has been a name I've chosen to use here, obviously I choose it to represent who I am otherwise why not just be Kelly? So if I'm not feeling like that is the me I am anymore, why continue the moniker? Maybe I will change to somebody else, something more along the lines of the person I always wanted to be but never was. No worries, I'll think on it later.

4) It snowed yesterday, honest to goodness. It wasn't cold enough to stick, but Jamers and I went out to the dinner yesterday, sorta like date night. On the way home we were driving in snow and you know what? Snow is freakin eerie. When it rains, you hear the drops splattering on the windshield and it sorta comforting. When is snows, it is silent. You watch it fall, see it land on the window but you hear nothing from it, nothing. It is like being in Carnival of Souls, where all of a sudden life mutes the world and your ears are devoid of feeling. Real creepy shiznitz for Pickle.

Well that is all I can think of to laddle out on the page today. Toodlies - Not so Rabid Pickle.