in which an angel was in my living room and we had a lengthy talk about my death. I think the angel was supposed to be my guardian angel and they told me they were here becuase my death was going to be soon. It told me I would never grow old and I would never have children. I asked if James would be going to and it said no, I think it said something about him having a long life. I asked if it was going to be a painful death and it said no. I asked about the afterlife, and it assured me there is one, but it isn't what I think. I asked how long I have and it wouldn't tell me. I asked longer than a month? It said yes. I asked longer than a year? And it replied no. It then told me that I would be earthbound for awhile before moving on. Then it climbed into a semitruck cab and drove off.

At 2:30, I woke up and was panicked. I woke Jamers up and told him what I dreamt. He assured me it was just a dream, but what if it wasn't I asked? I'm too young to die I said. I want to live and grow old with you. Than I started crying, I just couldn't stop. I was so scared that it was real.

James pointed out that we had watched two tv shows in which people died that day and that is probably where my subconcious picked it up from. He is more than likely right, but what if he isn't? What if I have less than a year to live? Do I really want to know how much longer I have left? I don't think that I do. I would rather live without that dread and worry than to know that I have to try to do as much as I could before X date. Would any of you want to know?

Needless to say, I've been feeling off all day. I have decided though, I'm going to go ahead with a birthday, cause what if it is my last? I've also been waivering on whether I was going to bother to try and dress up for Halloween. The group of us Oregon Trailers were going to do Firefly. Matt and Colleen are going to be Wash & Zoe, Bryan is going to be Mal, I think that Xine was going to be Inara, Noe has been up in the air, James keeps flipping between Simon or Jayne. I think he may start leaning towards Simon, but we'll see. I was thinking for Kalie, then I was thinking I'm way to big to be Kalie - unless I dropped like 40 pounds or so. However, I'm now thinking why not? Her clothing is pretty easy to imitate and I can work on Kalie buns. I'll plan for it, but if the others don't end up doing it, it will be a silly costume. I'm not sure if Kurt is doing anything either.

Well the man is home and we must go buy things for eating and clothing and dryer power cords. Toodles all.