1)M temp totally and utterly fucked up everything she touched. I kid you not. My PMs have been more than over joyed at the fact that I've been back - even though it has only been for 2 days a week. They have a new appreciation for all that I do for them. One told me that I spoil them, one told me that it was a determent to have the temp there and that they would've been better off with no one at all. Not one of them, nor my supervisor had anything positive to say about my temp. I have quite a job ahead of me of cleaning up everything she did in the system. It was like she had no training, had no notes, and had no resources - when in fact she had ample training (I think like 5 weeks), had taken 2 1/2 notepads of notes, and had my supervisor and two other PAs to ask questions of. Needless to say I'm less than pleased at her lack of work ethic and ability. My new mantra however,"I'm just glad to have a job" is keeping me from totally losing it.

2) A close friend of my sister's is in the hospital and has been for like 3 weeks. First ICU, than CCU, and now in a regular room. I don't particularly like the person, but I love my sister and it is an incredibly hard time for her right now. As always, I wish I could just make everything better for her.

3)Xandman is growing and doing fine. I'm not. I'm frustrated at the whole breastfeeding thing, but I don't want to formula only feed him for the bonding and health that breastfeeding entails. It's a double edge sword to say the least.

4) I think something is wrong with me. I'm dizzy off and on for like the last week or two. I'm getting plenty of water so I can't be dehydrated. I'm tired to the point of tuning everything out exhausted. I'm so tired that when I speak in the evenings I feel like my words are a million miles away from my head - that they aren't coming out of my head at all. I don't like this feeling one bit. I've had some pains in my sides off and on. I have some weird solid white mass coming out of a place solid white masses shouldn't be coming out of. That has been happening off and on for weeks as well. My milk still not where is should be so I'm going to look into taking some things that Betsy had previously suggested. Pumping takes all my break time at work which only contributes to my tiredness.

5) Xander starts daycare on Monday I'm worried and saddened and upset that we have no choice but to send him into the home of a stranger five days a week. I'm going to miss so much of his growing up that I just want to cry.

So that is my present mindset in 5 statements. Maybe in 2 or 3 weeks I'll have another 15 minutes to post. Who am I kidding? I go back to work full time starting next week I'll have even less time to computer. Pooplins

Things on my mind:

Why does it have to be so fricken sunny and nice on days when I have to work? We're supposed to see Lila tonight, so maybe we can walk down on the beach this evening. That would be loverly.

I really, really want us to get this place we're filling out the app for. It is a nice 1600 sq ft, 3 bed, 2bath(+)? in a nicer more secluded part of Beaverton. The rent is a little higher than we were looking for, but the area, yardage, and fact that it has a 25 ft long walk in closet make it well worth it. This makes me happy.

I'm bored here at work. There is nothing else for me to do. I'm sure in a few months when I've got a job up in Portland, I'll be longing for these days of slowness. That thought actually makes me happy.

One of the last emails I received prior to pulling my resume off the internet was from a placement agency. When I emailed the lady to let her know that I wouldn't be looking to begin working until the second week in June, she replied to let her know if she could help in the future. I'm thinking I'm gonna call her and schedule a generic interview for the 15th of May. I can't hurt can it? I'm sure that she'll be able to line something up for me starting that second week in June. Maybe I'll call her in a little bit. That thought makes me happy as well.

In speaking with my mom yesterday, she is really gung-ho about moving to Portland. She said the only thing is my sister has to want to go. My plan was already to get my sister to see as much and experience as much of Portland as possible when she rides up with me for the move. She'll be staying with us the first week. She keeps thinking that when she is there, we'll be hanging out with our friends, or working, or doing something that will force us to leave her at the house by herself. I keep trying to get it through to her that I want her to spend time with me. That is why I invited her up there. I've wanted to get her up there all along, and now that my mom has given me the "secret" talk to get my sis interested enough that she wants to move too, I'm all jazzled up about it. I may get them up there yet!

My cousin Jeff who I saw yesterday at Easter dinner, is thinking about moving up to Portland as well. He has had a couple of friends move up there. That is so fricken cool! I would love to have him up there as well. We have completely different lifestyles, but I love him so much. I told him, should he want to come up and scope it out, once we have a house to live in, he is more than welcome to come and stay with us.

We got our fed tax money already. It is really going to help for the next couple of months until we're both employed.

The truck is dead at Jamers work. His dad thinks it is the distributor cap. I think we could afford to drop up to a couple hundred on it to keep it alive. Anything more than that and it probably wouldn't be worth it. James looked up the blue book for it, $600, so yeah, a couple hundred is about the limit to fix it.

Anyhoo, I'll toodle off now. I hope this loverly day finds all of you well.

No clouds in the sky today, yippie! It is a gorgeous day today and I soooo want to be up the coast at my fav beach hanging out and reading my book. Alas, I am stuck here in the office, pooplins. However, I am leaving for lunch today to go down to the county center and put in my passport application. Yesterday I went and got my oh so horrid picture for it, and today I'll go pay the high fee to get it earlier. I will feel much relieved when that is done.

In other news, we got a lot done yesterday, but not everything. Tonight when we go drop of poor Forlori for a servicing, we'll stop by Gottschalks and I'll take the skirt in to have the tag thing removed. My sis who just quit her job at Mervs, said that Gott. is famous for forgetting to take those taggy things off.

Tonight is house cleaning and paperwork night. Taxes will be mailed off. Jamers resume blast will be mailed off. Bills will be paid. The floor will be vaccumed. The bathroom and kitchen will be cleaned. Taking care of these things, along with the passport app going in, and the sun is going to make going into this weekend carefree. I won't be (shouldn't be)worried about anything and I'll be able to enjoy this weekend to the fullest! I'm so happy for that.

The yard sale is getting put off until next weekend, which means Xinekurt can't participate, but it means that we won't have to get up early Saturday! Saturday we'll have pizza and movies and Kurtxine over and maybe my sister and whoever else wants to come. Then Sunday Jamers will run his last adventure with Xinekurt physicaly present and my sis expressed her interest in coming to watch. I'm so happy for that too. I've been trying to get her involved in gaming for years. I think she would enjoy it, plus she would get to meet new people and perhaps make new friends. Its just too bad that we're going to be leaving in a few months for Portland and she won't be able to game with us. I figure it is just another way I can bait her to move up. That and I told her about Kurtxine's hobbit house they plan on building. She was uber excited about that. So we'll see.

Anyhoo, must be toodling off now. Got work to do.

We got the first round of furniture loaded and off to moms! We unloaded it and started loading my Cobra chairs right as it started raining. Luckily for me that the storage is pretty close to mom's house. After unloading those, we headed home. We were going to take a second load, but mom and Annie called and said that we didn't need to make a second trip. They fit the last piece in mom's car. I told her to hold off, that she needed to take my office chair so she would have something to sit on at the computer. When we got here, mom was pulled up in the driveway, and I had James pull in behind her. We got Annie's chair out of the house, and James' chair into the house, no problem. Then James goes to start the truck to move it for mom and Annie, but it won't start. He tries again. It won't start. Several attempts later, but still no go. We open the hood, everything looks in place, the battery doesn't seem to be the problem. Sounds like the starter. So the three buff Dalpoggetto women that we are, my sister, mom and I pushed the truck out of the driveway so mom could pull out her car. Then the three of us pushed it back into the driveway and in far enough so that Lizzy could park.

James is going to have Mark at work take a look at it tomorrow. He called momma Donna and apparently this truck has been known to have starter problems. Before she gave us the truck, she had it looked at and stuff, specifically the starter and ignition. They couldn't find anything wrong. So I'm a little pissed. I told James having a truck we can't rely on means we don't really have a truck. It was lucky that it happened to be in the driveway, but what if we were at storage? Or over the hill? Or down in Monterey? I don't want to dump money into it even though we didn't have to pay for it. Hey it got the bar up from SLO county. It got mom's furniture out of granny's. I guess if worse comes to worse I can call my pop and have him come down with the big truck and move stuff that way. I don't want to have to do that, but I don't want to be moving stuff and get stuck at the storage or in a parking lot somewhere.

We accomplished what we needed to today and that is all that I'm focusing on now. We've got 25 mins to dinner for Vireo's birthday, but I just don't know if I can must up the energy to do it now. I hope if we don't make it she'll forgive me. It was just a pooplin afternoon.

Yesterday was a very, very bad day for me. I came to work and soon discovered that my cycle had started. Pain and cramps and many trips to the bathroom. Icky! Than for no real discernable reason, I started getting way emo. Way emo as in I started crying here in my seat, at my desk, right out in the open. Matt first asked if I needed to go home, I said I hope not. Than he and Sid left. Crystal came out of her office and asked if I was okay. I said no. I told her I was having a breakdown. She gave me a big hug and told me to go home. I left a few minutes later.

I got home and just cried for oodles and for no apparent reason. I changed into jammies, got out my heating pad, curled up on the couch with a blankie and Bazzy and watched the first two disks of Simpsons Season 7. I think I only laughed once or twice. Mostly I just watched to keep my mind occupied. Jamers came home early, but about half and hour later, he got a call and had to go back to work.

I took a nap around 3 or 3:30ish. I was still emo and crabby all evening. I woke up today feeling a little better emotionally. Better enough that I can be at work and push all the exterranous crap out of my mind and just focus on work. I spoke to Christine (work Chris, not Xine) on the phone this morning and told her what happened. She was all worried that they (work) was causing my emoness. I told her no way. That this work is the one area of my life where I'm not stressed out and having a breakdown over. I really love my employers. They are concerned about me and care about me, not just having me here to answer phones and post invoices and pay people. They are constantly more concerned about my well being than the work.

Christine told me on Tuesday that she was trying to figure out a way for me to telecommute from Portland. She was thinking that it could work for the accounting aspect, but the office manager position would still need filling. I told her wonderful it was that she would even consider that, but for them it wouldn't be worth keeping me on, but that I really appreciate the thought.

So hopefully by the end of this weekend, my heart will be a little lighter and my mind not as upset about things. We'll see. I hope you all have great weekends.

We talked about it over breakfast yesterday. James doesn't think we have time to plan it and give people from out of town enough time to make plans to get here. I totally understand. He was thinking that his extended family from Iowa and the like would come. I hadn't even thought of that. I was just thinking that if we have it before we move, we could have our friends and other locals as well. Since I didn't even think of his extended family it would be too many people anyway to have at the winery. So we won't have one now.

I guess the plan is now to have it after we've settled in Portland. The thing is that I don't think any of my friends from here will go, and I'm positive that most if not all my family won't make the trek either. I feel so poopy about the whole thing. I don't know if it is even going to be worth having one, but James really wants one. I guess we'll see. I think that in the next couple of months so many new things will happen to us, that it will fall off the radar again. If that does happen, I don't think I'll bother bringing it up again. It is just another huge expense that we really don't need anyhow. We need to save for the house and we've settled (I think) on the car we are planning on getting when we have kids. We're going with a Volvo V40 or V50 (I think they stopped making the V40 in 2004). That is going to cost us lots of moola and by the time we go to get it, trading in Forlori will be pointless. Money thoughts are scaring me. Guess I'll go now.

my body is soooo needing down time to recover from Sunday. I feel like a Mactruck hit me. Painkillers are okay, but I really don't like having to take them while at work. I like my mind active and sharp. It hasn't created any issues yet, but nonetheless I'm just wanting to be home and sleeping away this pain.

The day is sunny and beautiful. I really would like to get out this afternoon and walk down the wharf and back. There are obstacles in the way though. One would be it is Tuesday and that is Alisha and Ryan night. The second would be that I'm not sure if my body would be very happy with that. I do however think it would be good to get it out there and stretch through the pain.

I was so happy last night. Dinner was okay, but then we stopped at Logos on the way to the hot tub. I always check out the children's section of books. We've started a collection for when we've got the litt'lins running around. Anyhoo, I've been looking for awhile for the Little Miss and Mr. Man books. Does anybody out there remember them? Apparently most of my friends have no idea what I'm talking about. So everytime we go to Logos, which is quite often actually, I look for them. The books are small and square and I thought would easily catch my eye on the shelf. Last night I was looking at the spines of the little books and once again I couldn't find any. Then like lightening it hits me: maybe since the books are so small there isn't anything on the spines. So I quickly flip through the little books and guess what? I found one! Woot! It was Mr. Silly. I was so flippin happy. I showed it to James who then said, hmm, looks vaguely familiar. We had less than 15 minutes to gimp our way over to Well Within, so I told James to start on over. I had to buy the book.

I get up to the counter, and the clerk looks at the book and says, whoa, I remember these. I haven't seen them in so long. Then we had a nice conversation about the Mr. Man/Little Miss books. She remembers them fondly as I do. Then she said you know what other books I remember that I haven't seen around? Those Seredipity books, do you remember those? I said no not really, but I have a friend who has been looking for them. xinejaquette wasn't it you that was looking for those, or maybe it was intrepid_glory, I honestly can't remember.

When we got home and literally crawled into bed, James read it to me. Twas such a cute little nonsense book, I just loved it. Now my quest to collect them has been renewed. I have hope that I'll be able to track them down. I think I'll begin on Ebay, because, really, whatever it is I can find it on ebay, right? Teehee. I've never shopped there because everyone I know becomes addicted, but I'm hoping that I'm immune to it.

Tomorrow is angille's 25th birthday. He is going to be a quarter of a century old, but I still feel like he is so young. Well I guess he is compared to me. So anyway we are going to go to AJ Spur's down in Marina and Xine and Kurt will be joining us. It will be a nice not busy evening. Exactly how I've begun to take life. I've had moments lately, but for the most part, I'm staying in a relaxed state of mind. All those things in life that upset me, I'm just letting go, well mostly. Things that I have to deal with on an ongoing basis, I'm having trouble with. I'm hoping that by the end of the year, I'll let those things go too. Than happiness will be a norm, not an exception.

My sister's birthday is Friday as is my mom's graduation from her nursing program. I'm so proud of her. She is still not drinking and going to be starting a new career. She gets out of the house and does things now. Compare this to a year ago, where I'm giving her lectures about why she needs to stop drinking. My sis is rearing up and taking a buttload of classes this semester, so many in fact she was told she needed to cut back how many units she was taking. Things in my family life seem like they are really starting to head in a positive direction.

Geez, there is so much that I need to get down now, but time is up and this post is already too oodly long. Maybe I can squeeze in the rest of my randomness later.