Spent Friday night recouping from long first week of training temp. On top of normal pregnancy tiredness, add to it training someone who doesn't get things quickly and you have one exhausted pickle on your hands.

Saturday, we lounged around in bed enjoying cuddles with furkids and each other. Didn't sleep well Friday night so I was pretty drained as well on Saturday. Jamers made yummy breakfast of crepes that we filled with bananas, peaches, blackberries and strawberries which we drizzled with homemade whipped cream. They were delightful. I can't seem to get enough of fruit lately. I've been craving it quite a bit which is fine expect for when I'm craving fruit and I want to eat tangerines, but my heartburn doesn't allow for the extra citric acid in my tum-tum. Anyways, we, well James primed two of the walls downstairs for sample painting. I wanted to do it myself, but my body has switched from I can do manual work to try it and I'll give you such a pain in your mid section you will have to lay down for an hour just to make the pain stop. Seriously, this is the worst part - I physically just can't do much of anything right now.

So Jamers primed the walls why the hormonal wife back seat painted and we had nachos and Babylon 5 for lunch. Well we watched BB5 and ate nachos which was just loverly. Xine and Kurt came over later in the afternoon and we hung out watched an episode of Cowboy Bebop (which I fear at the rate we are going we'll never finish), played Chez Geek (it has been so long since I played I totally forgot how!) watched the last real Indiana Jones movie the one with, as James literally pointed out by throwing his thumb back at the wall behind him and saying "that guy" in regards to Sean Connery. By the end of the evening it was like 10:30 when they left and I was ready for bed.

The great stupendous miraculous thing was that I slept well last night! I started without pillows, but about mid-way through the night I pulled them into bed. It was the most restful sleep I have achieved in I think weeks. We got up this morning and Jamers said, I'm in the mood for Dim Sum. So we called B-rye (hmmmmm, rye Wild Turkey - must purchase for when Xander has arrived and breast pump can relieve me for an evening of indulgence) and we meet him out at a place on 82nd and Division. Bryan had never had Dim Sum before, which is funny because I've only had it twice prior - once with James and Risa up in SF, and the other time was with Betsey and Noe (Bryan's wife). Anyhow it was a tad overwhelming at first with all the carts, but in the end I think we all enjoyed our lunch out. I love Dim Sum, as I'm sure most people do. I love little appetizery foods and being able to eat the variety of foods at one sitting makes me feel all special. I know I have a weird sense of self.

We got home this afternoon and just piddled around - oh how I loves the piddling around. I haven't been to excited about doing things, again, so Jamers made me some warm almond milk and we went down and watched some BB5 again. Now he is in the kitchen making yummy din-dins and I'm sure we will watch yet more BB5 whilst nibbling on pasta, salad, and garlic bread.

We've moved the cradle into our room so the furkids get used to it. I almost wish I had a life like baby doll to put in there and see how they react. So far the only one that has shown interest in climbing in has been Baz, which is to be expected. Other than that, life has been going on pretty much the same as it has been. Jamers has good days and bad as do I. We are down to less than 5 weeks left before Xander is scheduled to arrive. I'm alternately having feelings of anxiety over the delivery and calm over the fact that these will be our last few days of "us" time for quite awhile.

I'm told din-dins is almost ready so off a toodling I shall go.

One of my lj friends, one who I feel very close to even though we never met, had to put down her dear kitty today. This has hit me incredibly hard and I'm still crying over it. Her furkid was to her, as Velvet was or Bazzykins is to me. At the end here, she had to make the same difficult decision for her precious as we did for Velvet, although for slightly different reasons. As soon as I read her post, I started thinking about Velvet and the last week of her life and how torturous it was for me and how alone I felt. How helpless I was not being able to do anything for her and how I watched her slowly let go of life.

I don't know how my lj friend feels and I don't presume to know. I can say that reading it has brought back the flood of feelings I had about Vel and if her feelings are anything like mine, I know how much pain she must be in right now.

As her post was locked, I'm not going to name my lj friend's user name, but I want you to know Liana that I really do feel your loss and I'm so very sorry that your little one is now gone. If there is anything at all I can possibly do to help you during this time, please just let me know.

I'm soooo very happy today is Friday. I need some serious rest. I've got circles under my eyes and my shoulders and lower back are in achy land. It looks like it may not dump the buckets of rain it is supposed to this evening, but we'll see. If it is clear after work, we'll run the daybed pieces to storage. If its raining, then I'll just do box packing, grocery shopping, and house cleaning. The sad thing is, that is a laid back evening for me lately.

We got the chairs to storage last night, woot! Gaming ended early, but we stayed and talked to Duane til shortly after 10. Got home and I practically passed out.

Anyhoo, tomorrow I want to take all the crap we don't want to the Last Chance Merchantile down in Monterey. That will free up quite a bit of space in the house. Due to miscommunciation, Kurtxine won't be making it up Saturday night for dinner and movies, and I guess that means we also won't be driving down the dresser and night stand to them. Then driving down to Monterey just to drop the stuff off seems silly. Maybe SC has something similar, but I've never heard of it if we do.

Emillo and Sahara are coming over for dinner Saturday. I enjoy their company, but when we went up to their house a couple months back, I was practically falling asleep by the time we left. They appear to be night people, and I don't quite know how to handle asking them to leave around 10 or so.

Sunday was going to be my day of doing nothing, but that has changed as well. Kurtxine are supposed to come up and watch movies or something. I guess I can handle that. Somehow I know that I'll feel like just moving the sofa to storage if it isn't raining, and that will most definitely ruin my do nothing day. However the up side to that is, once we've moved the sofa, than we won't have to worry about taking anything else out of granny's house.

I want to donate the bedding and pillows to the homeless shelter, but I can't find a flippin phone number for them in the useless yellow pages. I'll see how that goes.

I'm getting antsey about moving, but I'm subdoing it by focusing on moving furniture and packing. I know the two are directly related, but if I concentrate just on the physicality of it, I'll forget about the rest.

I'm rambling, sorry. Happy news! Crystal just brought be a huge garbage bag filled with work clothes she doesn't want! I have a whole new wardrobe! I'm so excited.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Everybody has been posting in the last 24, and that makes me happy :)

This weekend was so jam packed with stuff. Here is Friday/Saturday's post:

Friday we left work a little earlier and headed on down to SLO county. I'm going to gloss over the night at the Ghetto 6, or Motel 6 as some call it. I will say, neither Jamers or I slept very well. We got up around 8ish, got showered and headed over to Momma Donna's house. She had already moved the stuff out of the way so we could get the bar out. Since we were all there, we went to the Cowgirl Cafe for breakfast. It was tasty.

Getting back to the house Jamers and I had to head to the hardware store to pick up a tarp and some bungee cords. Unfortunately, a miscommunication caused James to only pick up 3 bungee cords. We didn't realize just how many we needed until we hit the road. We loaded up the bar, and bar stools into the back of the truck and tarped them down with the bungees. We left Momma Donna's at 11.

We decided it would be best if I followed James for awhile in case something happened with the truck. Soon as we got out on El Camino Real, the back of the tarp started flying up. Stop 1: James pulled onto a side street and I headed over to the hardware store to obtain more bungees. This time I got a gaggle, all different sizes. We bungeed the crap out of the tarp and headed on our way.

On the freeway it became quite obvious that the tarp, although completely held down, was not going to work. Stop 2: We pull off the freeway into a parking lot and pull the tarp off. James rebungees the furniture and we head on our way.

On the freeway again, 10 or so miles down the road, James needs to put gas in the truck. Stop 3: we pull into the Arco and he fills up. We decide that I should just continue to follow him home, just in case. We get back on the road at 11:45am.

Now my brilliant idea of us going Friday night, was so we could be home around noon on Saturday. Unfortunately, we didn't get out of Paso until quarter to noon. At that point, I sorta gave up hope of being able to move the day bed on Saturday.

The ride home was pretty uneventful except for a short stop between Salinas/Castroville to rebungee the bar. It was getting a little wobbly. Off loaded into storage and we headed home. As I was sitting at the stop sign to drive onto my street (James in the truck behind me) a car drives by and low and behold, it was vireo and haunteddiner. They came over for a short bit and Kurtxine decided to come up and join us.

So Saturday evening was filled with hanging out with friends. Woot! I went to check on the assembly of the day bed, and I discovered I needed a rachet set. None to be found at my house or granny's Xinekurt told me they would bring their set up on Sunday.

That wraps up the Friday/Saturday part of the weekend. It was a jam packed first 24 hours and Sunday was just as busy. I'll post that later me thinks.

I think that people who used to be in James' life have dropped out of it because of me. I'm not talking about people I specifically don't want in our lives, but his friends he used to hang out with. I feel sometimes like for whatever reason, they don't talk to him anymore because of me.

I guess I just feel like I've ripped him away from some aspects of his life, despite him telling me to the contrary. I'm not saying I feel guilty, because I don't. He is his own person and does what he wants. But those of you who know the Jamers from before the Kelly was part of his life would know what I'm talking about.

I know one of the reasons why the offer to stay for a shit load more money isn't worth it, is because of our friends up in Portland. Most specifically, James' friends are almost all in Portland. I've had people tell me to take the flippin money, stay, and make it work. I won't of course because James' life is my life and his happiness means way more than any monetary amount ever could. I'm really hoping that once we get up there, his friends that have pretty much stayed away from him will find their way back. Either with phone calls, or emails, or whatnot.

Maybe it is just this rainy weather, but I'm feeling sad today. Not sad at anything or anyone, just sad in general. I'm making a real good effort to not be that way. The book I just finished reading was such a great comfort to me. It really opened my eyes to a bunch of things. I'm hoping to be able to incorporate it into my daily life. If I can manage that, I think things will feel real good. I think I can be real happy, the majority of the time. That is my goal. Happiness.

Going backwards:

Work today has been a mixed bag. Lots of stuff to do. Mail to sort, invoices to code and input, insurances certs to continue scanning, and the surprise job of the day. Today's cracker jack prize was a call from a vendor that his 1099 was off, way, way, off. Like $36,000 off. Now I've never worked somewhere where the software program makes up numbers for the 1099s, until now that is. When I run the 1099 test info, I check the vendor name, address, TIN, etc. I've never had to do a double check of the dollar amount it puts on the 1099. Logically, I shouldn't have to. The numbers are what they are. It pulls them from the vendor record. Anyhoo, after the call from this vendor I went back through each 1099 and checked against the amount paid in 2005 in the account history. Six vendors have incorrect dollar amounts on their 1099s. I can't even begin to figure out where the computer got it's numbers from. The one vendor that called, I ran his complete history to see if the computer just added everything he had ever been paid. Nope. He hasn't even been paid a cumlative third of what the computer put on his 1099. I called Christine and she has no idea why either. Now I have to do amended 1099 for the vendor and the other vendors and resend the info to the government. Pooplins. I don't even have enough forms left to do so.

Sunday was a pretty uneventful day. Did remainder of laundry and went to coffee with Lila. After coffee though we went a Rossin' so that was nice. I ended up with 3 new pairs of pants, a new skirt and three new shirts - all for work. I figure I really, really need to get some professional wardrobe happening for when I go looking for and obtaining my new job. I straightened out the closet and packed some more clothes away for moving. I will be so happy when we have a home and I have enough space for all my clothes. We continued watching Bablyon 5, season one which we recently picked up. Otay, now the cost was quite high, but I paid it because well, its Bablyon 5. Plus Jamers has never seen it and it is a must for anyone who remotely likes Scifi. Anyhoo, the flippin thing is of such poor quality that I'm really angry. Like poor quality of blue lines through scenes, scratches on the original, scenes that aren't in focus or of the same quality of film as the rest. I paid $100 (yes a lot of money, but Farscape season 1 was $150, so I felt okay with the cost for Bablyon 5) and the stupid thing isn't remastered or anything. I'm a little angry, but learning to cope. I just feel that for the much money, the thing should practically present itself in hologram form to us.

Saturday was good. It hadn't started raining yet, so we got the rest of the stuff out of the attic and moved it into storage. Before that we walked to the bank to make a deposit and stopped by Longs. It was nice to get out and get a walk in before this week of rain we are starting. We met Lila for dinner and ended up going to a little Thai restaurant that I'd only been to once before. Lila and James enjoyed my dinner much more than I.

Friday night was great. Nice to Xine and Kurt, but to be honest, Benihana's was not all it was cracked up to be. At least I can say I've been there and done that. I would rather spend the money at Hindquarter. Anyhoo, was great to see them and visit their house and furkids.

Well that was the last 3 days in a nutshell. Toodles.

We reached a decision yesterday. After much talking and emailing, I finally got out of Jamers that he doesn't want to stay in SC. His reasons are totally valid and I agree. Emotionally, we've already invested so much in Portland, his friends are up there (even though we do have friends here, I see his point) we can have the kids and the house and not worry about things, we're both fed up with SC's politics and it's lack of customer service. I didn't even look at the financial aspect, there was really no point. After evaluating the mental/emo factor, there really was no choice. I do think though that even if I got a 33% pay increase (mentioned by my supervisor yesterday) it still wouldn't be enough for us to buy a house here. However, looking on line last night, the housing market is tanking. Last month or so when I looked up houses in SC under $600k, there was one or two. Last night, there was like 12 in SC, like 3 or so pages up in Felton, a couple of pages in Scotts Valley, etc. I think people are realizing that the houses here aren't going to sell for what they paid for them, and are trying to dump them now before they lose too much money. This would've been better for us if the market started dropping in November. Then maybe we would've ended up staying here. Oh well, everything happens for a reason, right? Therefore, when all my supervisors or at least 2 of the three are back here in the office, I'll tell them that we are still going to move.

In other news, tonight we're going be driving to Monterey after work to see Xine and Kurt for Xine's birthday. We'll be going to Benihanas for dinner. I've never been and I'm looking forward to trying it out.

Hopefully this weekend, I can get the rest of the stuff out of the attic and over to storage. That would please me greatly. I've got to start going through the kitchen and figuring out how much stuff we'll really keep and what to get rid of. Last night James seemed very keen on getting rid of the microwave that has been in my family since I think about as long as James has been alive. The thing still works, even though it is sorta big. Part of me is kinda attached to it, but he is right. No point in moving it, but I don't know anybody who would want it.

Well that is all for now. Crossing my fingers for ebegrl on her job interview today. Everyone have a great weekend!

To both xinejaquette and my friend Lila. Tomorrow night we'll be driving down to Monterey to see Xine and Kurt and celebrate her special day. Saturday night, health allowing, we'll do something with Lila for her special day. That should be the end of the month of birthdays.

Erin called me last night and we had a nice little chat. She left for Guadaljuara this morning. She is going to be gone for almost 2 weeks with her cousin. This will either be her second or third trip down there, I can't remember which. I just think it is awesome that she can travel. I don't ever go anywhere, so I love it when people I know go places. They tell me all about what they did and the things they saw, and it makes me form a little connection with the place.

We closed out the little storage last night. We got to the office like 5 minutes before it closed. I was worried that we wouldn't make it in time and I would have to go back, but we got it done. Put yet more stuff into big storage, which from now on will be known as storage. We still have lots of space, which is good. We still have furniture to move in which will take up almost all the rest of the space. I got almost everything out of the attic storage and we should be able to finish it this week(end). All that is left is a space heater, the automatic litterbox (which I got as a gift, but it is too loud to use in our little house), my picture of New York City, and last but not least, my Little Tykes choochoo train. We've had it since I was well, a little tyke. It has a bell to ring, you can push a button to make the whoowhoo noise, and it goes forward and reverse, has a caboose and I think 3 cars that hook on. I've got the tracks and everything. Of course, I can't ride it anymore, but when we've got little ones it will be so fun to set them up with their stuffed animals and have them ride it aound in circles. I really look forward to that time.

Anyhoo, work calls, but I wanted to get these things out now. Toolies.

Today has been pretty up. My supervisor from the school district, Theresa, sent me an email today. Previously I had asked her if she could write a letter of recommendation for me. She has been having a lot going on outside of all the work crap and hasn't had a chance to let me know what is going on. Today she sent me an email with the letter attached, for my approval (I laugh at that). Here is the general jist:

To Whom This Concerns:

I am very pleased to write this letter of recommendation for Pickle. As the Director of Fiscal Services, I supervised Ms. Pickle, who held the Accounting Technician position, from November 2003 until May 2005. I was new to school accounting, and Pickle held nothing back in helping me acclimate to the new procedures. I soon realized that she had proper accounting training and was working beyond her job expectations. Pickle often volunteered to help in analyzing data, research funding methodologies, creating forms, and writing procedures.

Pickle proved to be a bright, resourceful member of the District, and had the respect of the entire office. She has a very creative mind and is able to articulate ideas in an practical fashion. Her achievements were not limited to what was assigned, but always went beyond, illustrating her ability to see beyond the matter at hand. Her contributions were always appreciated and valued.

Our District was very sorry to see Pickle leave our employ. Her intelligence and creativity are not easily replaced. Pickle would be a great asset to any business that hires her.

I wish so much that I could just work somewhere with all the great people I've worked with in the past, Theresa included. Anyhow so that was a positive thing today, which I really, really needed. Tonight we have to do the stuff we should've done last night but I was unable to. Go to storage, get rid of the little storage, and dump more of the attic holdings into the new storage. After we get home I'll devote some time to the job hunt and the housing situation. xinejaquette, khinderer, angille and I are seriously thinking about getting a living situation up there together. The thing is that both couples are only looking for temporary housing and it makes good financial sense for both of us to do it this way. The biggest obstacle that we can foresee is the fact that Jamers and I have 2 cats, and they have 1 cat and 1 guinea pig. We'll see if it works out. It would be cool to have a living situation where things are shared and info and ideas can have greater feedback.

Anyhoo, work is calling. Toodlies.

This weekend was sooooo busy and fun and unhappy. It was like taking 15 different aspects of my life and stuff them into one weekend all crammy like.

Friday my sis and mom took another piece of furniture out of the house. Yippie skippie. The house still looks like the pooplins though. I need to get it together. I still can't figure out why the more packing I do the messier it gets. However, Saturday we did get the bed pulled apart. That was such a major undertaking. Almost every piece required both of us. In the end though, it all worked out okay.

Velvet has still been having her "poopy" moments under the bed. After we pulled the one book tower out of the corner and moved it into the living room, we decided to just put the mattresses on the floor. It makes sense, Vel can't go underneath to leave carpet bombs and it will be one less thing to have to deal with when the move hits. After we got the mattresse all back to sleeping form, Vel was just staring at the bed and looking around as if to say, "Where is my special hidey spot? Where will I go poo when you piss me off?" We are hoping she doesn't start doing them other places, we'll see. In moving the bed around, we got the room pretty well cleaned and organized. At least there is one room in the house which doesn't make me ill to look at now. Hopefully this week I'll get another room knocked out of the way.

Oh yeah, the mold behind the book tower thingy, was BAD, and by bad I don't mean ewwwwe, gross. I mean leapord spotted black spots with gray background for like 3 feet up the wall in the corner. I was sooo diguested. I certainly won't miss living in a house with no insulation and poor ventilation. But I got it cleaned up. Not sure yet if it is going to help with breathing at night, but it certainly won't hurt.

Sunday we got up early, picked up Erin and started up the coast. We stopped at Davenport and went to the Whale city bakery. Yummy food was consumed as we sat outside looking across the highway to the beautiful ocean. Then we piled back in good ole Forlori and headed up to Waddell Creek where we met up with Lori and Noah. We then proceeded to hike up to Berry Creek Falls. The hike was beautiful, even though it was just a slight bit chilly. (There was one bad thing, but I'm omitting it as I'm trying to be positive) Anyhow, we got up to the falls, turned around and headed back. We stopped for the loverly picnic lunch that James and I had brought. The trek back down the mountain was not nearly as pleasant. By that time, some 6 miles or so in, James' shin splints starting acting up and my body just starting aching almost everywhere. We all made it out okay and we got home about quarter to five last night. All in all, a 12 mile or so hike.

We got home and jumped in the shower and boy was that nice after the dirty, dirty (did I mention the trail was filled with puddles and mud?) hike. However that was pretty much it for us. By that time, my body had fully realized the trauma I had put it through and I could barely walk. James just laid down on the bed for an hour or so. I tried in vain to get either my mom or sis to bring us food and despite my offer of $$$ neither one would come over. Poor James ended up cooking some chicken later.

Sleeping didn't go too well for either of us I think. Jamers actually stayed home today he is in so much pain. I made it in and took a pain killer. It promptly made me loopy and I felt like I was going to barf. I've pushed oodles of food into my belly now and it feels better. Tonight we are going to Sushi and hot tubbing. Hopefully our bodies will relish the outing instead of yelling at us that we are out and walking around again.

I do however, highly recommend the hike we took. It was gorgeous and had James and I been in a little better shape I'm sure our bodies would've been much happier.

Well mostly. I really needed this down time this last week away from everything. In fact, the only friend I've really had any contact with was Becky ie: Chicken and that was only because she was in town and it was my only opportunity to see her. Other than that, we've been home and I've pretty much secluded myself away from everyone.

So Xmas was loverly. The best one I've had I think. Opening presents with my love was the best thing I could've hoped for. For the last month James had expressed his worries to me about how he isn't good at giving gifts. I had told him not to worry. If he couldn't think of something to get me, than don't worry about it. But he went ahead and got my oodley loodles of gifts, and I absosmurfly love all of them! He totally rocked at getting me things I would love but might not get for myself. For instance, he got me a new digital camera. I cracked the joke that it probably means the house will get broken into in a few months (that is what happened last time I got a digital camera). Anyhow the day was great and we both had the 26th off. We stayed in and visited nobody and just had a flop day of total nothingness. It totally rocked!

Xmas eve morning (for those of you who haven't read angille's account), we were woken up at 2:30 in the morning. By what you might ask? By the water faucet in the front yard. Apparently some drunkard on their way back to a place of lodging after bar closing time, attempted to get some water from the hose. Of course that is a guess, maybe they had in fact wanted to vandalize the house, I don't really know. In either case, they broke the pipe and the only way for us to shut it off was to turn off the water main. Which neither James, Stacey (my nextdoor neighbor) or I knew how to do. After futzing around for 10 mins (half asleep mind you) I called my dad. He just happened to be awake(thank Goddess for that!) and he told us where to take care of it. After James turned off the water main, Stacey said good-bye she was going to her boyfriend's house to take a shower (thanx for rubbing it in our faces, those of us without water). James and I came back inside and his arm was covered in mud. Luckily we had the brita filter filled with water, so he put some on a rag and washed himself that way. Then we went back to sleep, well sort of. My sleep deprived brain kept coming up with scenerios as to what happened, and if the person would come back and I just couldn't get any sleep.

Now that the year is almost gone, we have to start thinking and planning for Portland. I can't put it off any longer as the house will go up for sale at the beginning of next month. Resumes will be updated. Letters of reference will be obtained. New jobs, and packing and a new place to live. We'll see how crazy this ends up driving me. I started packing up little incidentals a couple of weeks ago, but what if we don't move until the end of summer? But what if we have to move at the end of March? That alone is going to cause me some sleepless evenings. After I'm done with this post I must off to clean house but clean into boxes or clean everything up on the shelves? I don't know. My brain is going wonky.

So, I'm back now. I'll be lj-ing again and emailing and hanging out and talking to peeps again. I'm hoping that I'll be getting support from others over the next difficult phase of my life. We'll see though. It is far easier for people to say they will help and are here for us, but quite another for them to really be here when we need them. I think these next couple of months are not only going to be some fo the most crazy I'll have, but also the most growing as a person I've done in awhile. Should be interesting.

I'm going to put a few things out there. They apply to more than one person, so no one person should take this all upon themselves.

1)Please do not presume to know what I am thinking or feeling. You will never know what is going on with me and when you do presume to know me, all you do is say things that are snide remarks and hurtful, whether you intend them to be or not. Those remarks in turn make me want to not be around you.

2)Please do not ask me to share my inner most thoughts with you and tell me you won't say anything, than go off and tell people what I'm feeling. Often my most immediate thought/feeling on a subject is not final. I react emotionally to things, as I've stated before, which is why I wait until I've calmed down and put my feelings/thoughts together before saying things. When you speak for me, you're only speaking for my immediate emotions and are not leaving me any room to think.

3)If I've told you in the past things that upset me, don't ask why I'm mad if you're doing it again. I hate repeating myself when it comes to things that anger me. It make me feel like you don't listen to what I say.

4)I'm going through some major shit right now and more crap keeps coming up everyday to make it worse. I cried about my granny the other night. Yes people I cried. Me. I don't do it much, let alone admit to it, but right now in my life I feel like the walls are crumbling down, and I can't hold them up anymore. In the past one would start to topple, and I could support it until it righted itself again. Now all four are falling in on me, and I can't keep it up. Happy go-lucky Kelly is gone right now. Leave a message for her at the tone . . .

4)I have know idea what my living situation is going to be like next year. I don't know what my working situation is going to be like next year. All I know is that James will be there either way. That is why I'm secluding myself away. I can't think of all the other things going on in my life when these major ones are so up in the air. What are the four things all life forms need? Shelter, Food, protection or something and something else, anyhow, point is Shelter is one of those major life things and we don't know where ours is going to be.

5)I am human. I can only deal with so much shit at a time. Understand that. Life sucks for me right now and until it gets better I really need to go away from a lot of the stuff that is upsetting to me. Sorry.

Well that is all I can think about but I think that says alot. I may post again before Xmas, but I don't know. Merry Holiday, which ever one you celebrate.

I got lots of rest this weekend, so that is good. My head still has little aches but the big ones are gone and this morning I woke up with a cool head not a burning up one. That was good too.

I've decided that after this week and xmas, that I'm going to seclude myself away from friends. I've had way too much bullshit and hurts in the last two weeks and I think what I need is to not be around people for awhile, that includes lj.

The fact is I don't have much interest in being around people right now anyhow. I just want to be home doing just about nothing. I've lost my interest in lj, both reading and posting. I watched Simpsons this weekend and I couldn't even laugh. I watched Seinfield last night and I think I laughed once. I've lost interest in just about everything in my life except James.

So yeah I'm going to try not being with people and not going places for awhile and see where that leads me. I'm probably not going to update in lj nor read it for a least a couple of days. I'm sure if anything happens James (angille) will post something about it.

I hope all of you have great holidays and keep safe.